First post, need someone to listen

[Olya]

She's not here. What good would it do to focus on her? Whom would it help?

The point is this:

1. A successful TRO can screw up your life. The magnitude depends on what you do for a living. Don't do anything that will get her to file another one.

2. Don't put your kids in the middle of this. Having them make these comments to their mother or to you is not appropriate from a parent-child relationship standpoint. It also shows that between you and your wife, you're already doing damage. Your goal should be to stop contributing and to reverse some of it WITHOUT turning them against their mother.

3. You cannot change her. You can only change you. That comes with remorse and a desire to do better. I command you for trying and for doing this for your kids. If your changes are lasting and genuine, she'll notice. Maybe she'll decide to give it another try. Maybe she'll move on but will choose to have a functional co-parenting relationship with you. But you cannot expect her to just give you a chance. If you want it, go earn it. If she still doesn't give it to you, then at least you will be able to honestly tell yourself that you tried.

4. If she does come back, don't give free passes and don't assume that what you're doing is okay - ask with full understanding that you may not get the answer you want to hear.