That REALLY escalated fast. (Hoosjim's 14th)

[hoosjim]

some of the fun we used to have before my unfaithfulness was now tainted... whenever we would go to our regular fun hangouts, i had begun spending some of my time texting OM or WW BFF... it hurt H terribly... he began hating those places... i ruined everything with my WW behavior...

moving away would get us away from those places, and we could start anew...

Something that my good friend, who has, oddly enough, connected with his X-W's AP's STBXW (spouse swap, effectively) and is now, even more oddly, in what appears to be a committed relationship with the woman, was telling me about was "take backs". In other words, a conscious effort or act to "take back" a particular place or particular date that has become tainted by the pain of a previous affair. Say, for example, January 23rd, the date of initial BD for me, is a very painful day... Perhaps W and I would make it a point to have a fun date or romantic getaway or do something else memorable on that date to "Take it back" and remove it as s painful reminder. Same with a place where a rendezvous may have occurred-- go there yourself a few times and have a good time... overwrite the painful memory. My friend and his current beau obviously share some of the same painful dates/places since their respective spouses were the ones doing the cheating together, but I think the concept is an interesting one in any instance where there has been such infidelity and the associated painful memories. Not sure what my MC would think of the idea but I intend to ask. Only thing I can think of is that, unlike with my friend, here one of the people participating in the "Take back" would also be the one who had been unfaithful and created the painful memory to begin with, so that might, and perhaps even probably would, change the dynamic.

Either way, I thought it was an interesting idea. My friend says it has been working for him.

I think it's weird that she would bring up how difficult it would be for you to be on the phone conversation when she tells OM to bug off... in any case, that would be your call... transparency is important, of course...

I was the one who actually mentioned it as a potential drawback to a phone call... wasn't sure I'd be able to keep my temper in that scenario and thought she should know but that if that's how she wanted to do it I was game. Then she started talking and thinking about it more and was more worried about the "written evidence" angle and giving the OM ammo to hurt us/her/the kids, to which my response was that together we could handle anything he could do. But she opted for the call.