No affair, no feelings...is there hope?

[Olya]

Let me make sure I got your point. You're saying that if progress is made and she does things like come back to the bed, it isn't as important as when and if she decides to actually use her words and say she wants to try again? And until this happens, I need to remain vigilant in straddling the line between pushing/pressuring, not getting my hopes up, DBing, etc...is this what you meant?

Yes. Until and unless she says it, you don't know where you stand with her or what her terms are.