First post, need someone to listen

[Olya]

Okay, I am not trying to be mean, but some dose of reality is warranted, I think.

FIRST: TRO

Her TRO did not get dismissed. She agreed to drop it. Dumb of her. Based on what you told here, she would have gotten it had she not backed down. It is not hard to get a TRO and you helped her make a very strong case for one.

Instead of complaining how unfair it was of her, ask yourself why she took one out in the first place. You have been hounding her. You have been pressuring her sexually. And, I promise you, your children hear and see ALL of it.


SECOND: Sincerity

Your changes were never sincere. Sorry. We cannot change who we are, but we can certainly make ourselves more palatable. You probably cannot help yelling when you are angry. I get it. I'm the same way. You can, however, refrain from showering your wife with profanities in front of your children. You can also wait long enough for those children to be out of the ear shot before you blow your gasket. You haven't been doing that, have you?

If you want your wife back, you need to stop drinking. You need to stop going to strip clubs. You need to stop running your mouth without thinking. Completely. Not "I do less of this now" or "I'll stop just long enough to get her back." Completely. If she comes back, you don't resume what you have been doing. If you want your wife back, then you need to be done with this lifestyle. If she doesn't come back, but you still hold out hope that any woman worth her salt will look at you, then you need to be done with this lifestyle.

Deep down, you have to know this. You said it yourself: you don't think that you can compete with a married doctor. MARRIED. So, a hopeless affair is better than being with you? Think about it.


THIRD: Do some soul searching

There's a lot of "me" and "I need" in everything that you say. Your needs seems to be fulfilled only when you directly get something that you want. Ask yourself why you don't seem to be able to receive deep and meaningful happiness from seeing someone you love smile? Sometimes, doing things we don't want to make others happy can be very rewarding. Not all the time: 50/50. You strike me as a 100/0 kind of guy. I'd suggest getting some counseling. I'd also caution you that if you and your wife do get back together, you'll have to be giving her much more than 50, because it sounds like you have a lot of zeros to make up for. But she has to want what you have to offer - you can't badger her into it, and I suggest you don't try.


I'm sorry if I came off harsh. I empathize, I do. But you really do have to realize how destructive what you're doing is.