You are going to get tough feedback here, as we call them - 2x4s. It is done because people care and want you to succeed in your endeavors. You are free to take it or leave it obviously, but your situation is hardly unique and there aren't any exceptions that won't apply to you.
I wanted to give you a bit more of a longer response, and I might later when I have some time.
Just know that DB is counter intuitive and every fiber of your body and mind is telling you to do the opposite - don't give him space, shower him with love and affection, do everything for him, be a model partner etc etc. Don't do that.
You seriously need to stop pursuing him, telling him what you're doing, and engaging in relationship conversations. Please read up on the validation cheat sheet to see how you can validate and engage in conversations when he brings things up.
About the A - there may or may not be an A, but don't discount the possibility is all what we're saying. Your H's values have diverged from yours and they are capable of a lot of things you thought previously impossible. If you don't believe me, go read up on threads here and the archives and see what other people's partners have put them through. You situation is hardly special.
I would take a huge step back and just focus on yourself and your goals for now. Leave him alone. Follow Sandi's guidelines for a little bit and then tweak what works and what doesn't work.
