[HelenaJ]

In my husband's eyes, there was not just one mistake. He refers to multiple betrayals and the company party was definitely hurtful to him even though I didn't mean it. You can't spend 1.5-2 hours talking to another guy, especially when you have an OM situation in your past. I did not realize how much time had passed or that H wasn't mingling around me...it was like the perfect storm due to having too much to drink mixed with a huge buyout happening within the company that left a lot to talk about, especially if you're drunk and probably repeating yourself 20 times (eyeroll). So, from H's perspective, he's given me plenty of chances and I've betrayed him too many times. I don't agree with him at all and I KNOW what's in my heart and I know there was never any ill intentions on my part with these other situations, it just isn't what he says it was. The OM situation, I take the fullest responsibility for that, it was a betrayal and I definitely broke the trust in our marriage and I know there are long term consequences and things that may never be the same after that. But at the end of the day, it's H's right to feel how he feels and it's his perspective that matters because he is the one who was hurt by all of these supposed betrayals. The problem is I can't change any of it. I can only change my behavior going forward and I would gladly do that...there is no conversation or guy that I need to talk to that I would risk hurting my H over. I learned so much going through the OM situation and I knew I would never do something like that again ever. So to be back in this place in our M is sooooo devastating. One of the other betrayals that he says occurred is that one of the conditions to moving on after OM was that I would never go to a bar without him again. We went to San Diego to visit my sister and we went to dinner at a Mexican restaurant with her and her husband and another couple they are very good friends with. The kids got cranky and needed to go and I asked my H if he minded if I stayed and had another margarita..it was still daylight out and we were outside and we were the only ones there....and he told me that yes he minded and that I was breaking the agreement we made. I completely disagreed that staying at the restaurant to have another margarita with my sister who I only get to see once a year was breaking my promise to never go out to a bar without him. He tells me he can't trust me because I only hold agreements when it's convenient for me and that a restaurant can absolutely be considered a bar. I can disagree all day long, but it doesn't matter. His opinion is the only one that counts if I want a happy marriage.