New LBW, H maybe in MLC and now with OW - part 2

[meg24]

You mention you feel OW is filling more than one need but I argue that based on what you wrote. I think the need she meets is being open and talking... when you do that enough over time it can and does lead to sex and A's. But, as you already mentioned she doesn't deal with the day to day living with him.... (he is still doing all that with you silly!!!) So you are right. When the A starts to have to shoulder real life, that's when it fizzles out.

H actually is not dealing with day to day living. I have always been the bill payer (I'm the budgeter, H just spends), so he just puts money in my account once a week. I deal with school, doctors, medicines, household chores, 95% of which I have always handled. Add to that now home maintenance, H used to handle it. Now I coordinate, S19 does it (most of the time he does it before I even ask now, he has stepped up quite a bit).

I think you need to be careful of sharing too many of your feelings with your H. That may not be the best 180. I think you need to give yourself the cloud of mystery. Let his calls go to voicemail. If its not an emergency text him later that you were busy... could he text what he needed?

I do have to agree with you, can't share too many feelings. Unfortunately, the information today I have been waiting on for a few days, so I took the call.

Meg, he knows you want the M. He needs to get to the point where he sees you are not waiting to be plan B. He asked how you were doing because he is not a complete butthead - he does care but he also doesn't want to feel guilty.

Until you are ready to detach further and put him on the backburner a bit I don't see the two of you making progress.

You're absolutely right her kitcat. Just have to pick myself up again.

On the plus side, I'm all set for Celebrate Recovery with my girlfriend. I'm looking forward to have a safe "public" place with others who are broken. Ok, that just sounded weird, lol. Anyway, this girlfriend was my best friend from high school, we drifted apart after I got married (I suppose partly because I was in Utah, she still in California). But now we only live a mile apart. Still only see each other a few times a year (different lives, we're not teenagers anymore). But she was one of the first few people I reached out to after BD.

i know one thing you can do to take your mind off of things for a bit... get those postcards and stamps and start writing!

I will definitely work on this. Might take me a few days to get to it though.

can i suggest a book? THE PARIS WIFE... it's not a self-help book... it's a fictional, yet historical, somewhat biographical account of Ernest Hemingway's first marriage and upstart years in 1920's Paris, as told from the point of view of his wife, Hadley, the LBS... if you love to write, you will love this book...

i highly recommend it, dear meg24... let this and the postcards be a slice of your GAL activities... and how about some more line dancing? did you tell us about that? how was it? i want to hear you breaking out of your dark, drabby, cloudy cocoon!

I do like historical fiction. I haven't had a library card in several years, I may need to go get one.

As far as the night out with SILs, it was crowded and hot inside. I have 3 left feet, so it was interesting, lol. There was a little bit of instruction, but it was so crowded we couldn't see her feet. We then left to another location that has karaoke on Fridays. Didn't stay long though, as SIL1 is currently going through D with my used-to-be BIL now SIL, and stupid petty text argument erupted so we all left, since SIL1 was driver. Yes, that's an interesting situation. Not my monkey, not my circus. So now SIL2 and I are going to start line dance lessons at our local community center (she lives just around the corner, but SIL1 lives about 45 minutes away).

But SILs and I have decided to get together once a month, much needed girl/family time.