Mybest, I read your first post again and tried to absorb it. When my husband first left he also asked for a six month trial separation, and asked for the same when he left this time. My husband also said he's no longer attracted to me when he left the first time. My husband also faced external stressors with his residency program and family immigrating. He also believes he did his best and 'worked' on the marriage, apparently forcing himself to stay with his unattractive wife and suffering silently. Who knows what these men consider to be 'working on the marriage,' but it's different than what I think it is.
There are all these similarities and it turned out my husband left due to other women. I wouldn't have known if I didn't check. I'd be just like you, wondering what's going on and blindly trying to cope.
All three marriage counselors I've seen over the past ten years encouraged me to investigate behind-the-scenes. I also believe married people shouldn't have anything to hide. If my husband ever wanted to check my phone or read my e-mails I'd be happy for him to do so (except maybe now since I've talked to so many people about him since he left). Therefore I've checked the phone bill, checked my husband's accounts, and closely studied contradictions between what he said and did. It was very easy each time to find out he was cheating. When he left this time it may not have been directly due to cheating, but rather the aftermath from his last affair that didn't get resolved, but now he's cheating again.
I share that information because you may benefit a lot from accessing information about your husband to find out what's actually happening. You can start with the easy things such as checking your shared phone bill, checking his browsing history and e-mails if you can log into his computer, taking a look inside his car when he's sleeping, and maybe even driving past his workplace a few times to see if his car is parked there at the times when he says he's working. If none of that reveals anything you can try to check his phone when he's in the shower or sleeping.
I'd suggest doing this as a next step, simply because you're currently so hurt and confused. Discovering an affair would bring a lot of clarity to your situation.
Affairs are very controversial. Some people say they'll divorce right away if they catch their spouse having an affair. Others will keep working on the marriage.
My husband came back after his first affair in a dramatic way. He said he'd kill himself, he's so depressed, can't live without his family, begged to come home and promised we'd work on fixing everything as soon as he finished his residency. At that time I was so happy he came back and I somewhat believed he'd learned his lesson, but the marriage never went back to normal. You can read all those details on my thread.
So, your husband may want to see how his affair goes and keep you waiting for him at the same time, so he can come home when the affair ends and the fun is over, or so he can buy time to see how he feels about you later.
If your husband is from the Middle East I wouldn't focus too much on your weight. Men from those countries like women with curves, as a generalization.
If you don't find any sign of an affair, perhaps you can update us here and we can re-consider everything.
There's a lot more I could write about how a man might try to hide an affair, why Muslim men feel entitled to cheat, the types of lies they tell to cover up their actions, and how they view you, their wife, vs. women they are just using for fun and entertainment. I'll try to write more about it if you do find your husband having an affair.
It's great that you're working on all those other things for yourself and benefitting from DB and from your individual counselor. This is a painful and devastating situation to be in. You can see how badly I've been affected in my thread. I loved my husband so much. I'm sure you love yours too.
