When you returned to your husband after he had kicked you out for three days, what did you feel? Did you honestly feel at the time that you wanted to be with him? How did he respond? Did he fall at your feet, take you back with open arms, with no preconditions, no discussion, no recriminations? If you were sincere, or thought you were, what eventually changed, and when? Did your husband fall back into old patterns? Did an opportunity arise and you just felt that old "spark" or whatever, again? Or did you just start growing to resent him and your sitch again and, so rebelled? Did you fall back in with a previous flame, or seek out someone new, or were you the recipient of attention from elsewhere which you returned? And what were some of the things you did when you ultimately "fell" again? Were they things your husband perhaps should have seen or noticed sooner?
Thanks again for all your insight.
while i was still at the hospital, the psych evaluator told me H was picking me up and that i was going home... i could not believe it!!! H and my boys came to pick me up... we stopped at my hotel so i could gather my things... we went home... H said i could stay in the MR... he took the guest room which was actually just as nice as the MR but had the better bed... and it was closer to his office... i did not say anything to him... i could not look him in the face... i was broken... ashamed... in the morning, my sons brought me coffee... H had always done that...
that very morning, i took off and went downtown, which was quiet... i took my burner phone, broke it into pieces and threw away the pieces into different waste baskets... i went back home... i did not get all pretty or anything... i had no desire... i wanted to go to the supermarket so i could cook something, and so i asked my youngest to go with me... he asked his daddy, and so we went... i took my son with me so H would not wonder if i went to meet OM or went to call OM... i had taken some meat out of the freezer to defrost to make chicken tacos, and H was in the kitchen and saw... he said, "i am grilling a tritip tonight... you are welcome to eat with us..." and i said, "thank you." later, i went to see our pastor's wife and spoke with her... her H about 20 years before--before he was a pastor--cheated on her... so i got to hear her side... my H's side...
later, i sat to eat dinner with H and sons... i don't remember what their conversation was... i sat and ate quietly... after they cleared the table, and put the dishes in the dishwasher, i was still sitting at the table... the boys had gone... H came behind me and i thought he was going to yell at me... he put his hands on my shoulders and said near my ear, sometimes i hate you, and sometimes like right now, i see you so sad and so hurt, and i want to take you and hold you... sometimes i just want to grab you and take you to our bed and ML to you... i turned around and hugged him and cried and cried and cried... and then we went to our room and ML...
we met with our pastor the following day... he warned us that we were moving too fast... that we needed to set boundaries... i remember one of them being that until H felt more comfortable, if i were going out to run errands, i would take one of the boys with me... another was i would not go to my hometown where my parents and most of my family live (about 40 minutes away) alone... i guess there were others... i abided by them at first... but it wasn't long before i disregarded them, and he never held me to them...
i would say that i picked up a new secret phone before my plan expired... so--a few weeks? not long... and i was scared as heck when i did... but i still did it...
he should have required more of me... better, stronger, more thought-out boundaries... he should have held me to them... he gave in too soon... that very morning, he did not bring me my coffee, but he made it for me... i knew my sons didn't make the coffee... and i was the only coffee drinker... we used to say that it was his daily Valentine to me...
we have been reconciling for three years, and just about two months ago, he started making the coffee again...
i am telling you, hoosjim... you have to tell her you have requirements... must-haves... and she does not get to pick and choose... and they cannot be "her way." the way you see it, how you have expressed it here, you will be right back where you were the day before you confronted her... living in UNSURENESS... aren't you sick of that life? don't waste all this DRAMA only to not make any progress... you would be a fool to waste this opportunity...
