I am pretty confident that infidelity IS pretty close to a dealbreaker for me. Especially after all this. Maybe not if he came clean, asked for forgiveness, didn't try to hide it, and really put effort into making things right, it wouldn't be a deal breaker. But if he has an A, and is hiding it while dropping the bomb and going through the separation? Yeah. I don't see myself fighting for someone who treats me like that and has so little respect for me. Maybe I should, but I just... this is hard enough as-is. If that was a part of it? I love him, but I love me too, and I don't deserve to be treated that way.
I see this sentiment expressed a lot here. To be honest I don't understand it, because he has ALREADY abandoned the marriage and you. From Psychology Today:
"Infidelity is breaking a promise to remain faithful to a sexual partner. That promise can take many forms, from marriage vows sanctified by the state to privately uttered verbal agreements between lovers. As unthinkable as the notion of breaking such bonds may be, infidelity is common."
Why would sex with someone else be a deal-breaker for you, but his proclamation that he is no longer attracted to you, is not in love with you, does not want to stay married to you and thinks it's unfixable and resents you (these are all comments from your first post) is not a deal-breaker? The infidelity is already there. Too many LBS's spend too much time worrying about an affair when the infidelity is already jumping up and slapping them across the face.
