mybest, I went back through and read most of your thread. When I reread your original post I got that sinking, he is cheating on her feeling.
Let me put it to you the way another marriage/divorce avoiding expert (not MWD) put it: he doesn't need his own place to fall back in love with you, he needs his own place to sleep with other people.
Sorry to put it bluntly, but most guys don't wake up one morning and go "I am not in love with my wife anymore so I am going to move out." I wasn't in love with my wife for years, and never did the thought of leaving or separating enter my head. If I had met someone that might have changed.
But as others have said, this doesn't really change your approach at all. Unless infidelity is a deal breaker for you. Have you asked him point blank if there is someone else? (I would only do that if infidelity is a deal breaker for you.)
Also, if in the 6 months he is separated, if he sleeps with someone else would you consider that infidelity? Does he know how you feel about that?
Yeah, I have asked him. Several times. The MC asked him too. He says no.
One of our rules is no dating during the separation; if we want that to change, we negotiate it beforehand in MC. If I find him dating after all this mess, I'll probably be the one pushing for a D.
I am pretty confident that infidelity IS pretty close to a dealbreaker for me. Especially after all this. Maybe not if he came clean, asked for forgiveness, didn't try to hide it, and really put effort into making things right, it wouldn't be a deal breaker. But if he has an A, and is hiding it while dropping the bomb and going through the separation? Yeah. I don't see myself fighting for someone who treats me like that and has so little respect for me. Maybe I should, but I just... this is hard enough as-is. If that was a part of it? I love him, but I love me too, and I don't deserve to be treated that way.
