No affair, no feelings...is there hope?

[MoveFrwd]

I will definitely fill in the details though and make sure I have a solid plan should I have to go this route.

Again, I dont think you need to do anything right now as far as moving or applying or anything like that. I just think you need to know your options and have a couple of plans in your head in case the time comes.

Great points. It's easy to say I want to be less selfish, but thinking about quantifiable actions is a lot harder. I will work on laying out a plan with specific, tangible objectives.

Awesome. Consider what your goals are and then figure out what steps you need to take to get there. As MWD says, you dont make a 40 foot putt by aiming at the hole. You start by aiming at a place 3 feet away.

I am definitely 100% committed, for better or for worse. I don't want to be unhealthily obsessed with it, especially if there is no hope, but I am here first and foremost because I want to do everything humanly possible to save the marriage. DB has given me the hope that it is possible, while also showing me the things I need to do at the same time to better and prepare myself if it doesn't work out, and really I guess even if it does.

Remember, there is always hope. Just dont let hope paralyze you.
And also remember, just because she might be sad or mad or jealous or whatever based on your actions, that doesnt mean that they werent the ones to give you the best chance for R.

This is somewhat relieving that I am 'allowed' to spend at least some time with her if it isn't me pursuing. But it's a good point about not being too available and can help balance some of that feeling that if she can have me for company she is getting the best of both worlds. Tonight, I will make it a point not to be home when she gets here. I have signed up for Meetup and am looking into some events coming up in my area. I understand how important GAL is and am making it a priority.

Good. And remember...you dont need to TELL HER about your GAL or everything that you did/are doing. Its for you.

However, it does confuse me a bit. For some reason, I was under the impression that I wasn't supposed to let her know that I was against/fighting the divorce.

You did. The first words are "I dont think divorce is the solution to our problems." What more do you need to say than that? I feel like it is clearly stating what you believe while also showing that you are understanding and accepting her decisions as valid.

NOW....dont go running off to say that every 5 minutes to her. But thats the frame of mind you should have in your dealings. And if she asks you again what your thoughts are, thats what I would go with.