lost and desperate think she has closed Part 2

[AnotherStander]

I did not intend to bring up the D only the financial issues concerning her still paying half the mortgage and me a fee for caring for the horses. However, I am sure that will lead to her discussing the D and moving forward.

Why do you feel the need to bring it up, has she quit paying? If she works D into the convo then that's fine. Your attitude should be that you are not going to help it along, but if she's pushing it forward and needs info from you then you will provide it. In other words you don't want D, but you're not going to stop her or put any roadblocks in her way.

Just a note on D, just because she's had a L draw something up, it doesn't mean anything. My ex did the same, then sat on the papers for months and months. Eventually I was the one that got tired of the limbo and pushed for the D, to this day I wonder if she ever would have had I not done it.

[MoveFrwd]

I did not intend to bring up the D only the financial issues concerning her still paying half the mortgage and me a fee for caring for the horses. However, I am sure that will lead to her discussing the D and moving forward.

Is the alternative just paying for her continuously going forward?

Shes going to do what shes going to do. I would make sure that you are protecting yourself financially either way.

[along]

AnotherStander, She may have altered her direct deposit so that the joint account is no repelnished with funds to cover the mortgage. I have no issues with the utilities since she is not living there. That is also why I want something for taking care of the horses. I feel she is taking advantage of me at this point. She is free to take off all weekend without a care when it comes to the animals.

Amoafwl, Financial protection is my main motivation right now. I don't want to force the D issue. I would rather it drag for awhile just to see where the A goes, but I can't drag it out too long because of finances also.

I am not really sure if I should even meet with her yet.

[AnotherStander]

AnotherStander, She may have altered her direct deposit so that the joint account is no repelnished with funds to cover the mortgage.

Ah, gotcha. Well you should definitely discuss it with her if that's the case! The problem with this is if she really did cut you off and refuses to resume payments then you may be in a situation where you have to push for D in order to get the finances in order. Is that what you were alluding to earlier? Perhaps in the first convo you should plan on discussing only the financials, if she refuses to resume payment then tell her you need some time to consider your options. Then you can decide if you need to push for D or not, and that can be a followup convo.

[along]

Well, met with W as she was helping retrieve the horses after they got loose. She took a few more belongings. She couldn't look me in the face the whole time we talked.
Discussed the time frame for her to get the rest of her things. Also discussed her paying half the mortgage (she was not happy about that). we talked about the joint debt and that we should use tax return for that. Did not discuss the issue of the horses and trailer, will do that later.
I asked her what she was doing about her nieces birthday as far as the card and gift. She got all bent out of shape "asking why are you going?" Told her I wasn't going. She said it made things uncomfortable and weird. I told her I could send a card on my own. She seems to be changing her tune about not keeping me away from her family. I guess this is where I make my stand.
Still have not heard anything about the D papers. She was more interested in when the refinance would be done. Think she is waiting to see what the appraisal will be to demand buy out based on that.
I have been working hard on GAL and going NC. It is hard knowing she is with the OM whenever she wants.

[along]

Now the W is texting me about how long I will want her to pay half of the mortgage. She was really persistent and wanted to know when the refinance would be done and she wanted me to know that this arraingment was not OK with her, since she was not living in the M home, even though she acknowledged that it is our debt. Again I believe she is getting advice from the OM. She is making it out like it will be a financial burden. She makes 12 thousand more than me for a year so I don't see a burden on her. I am the one with the burden picking up all of our bills and mortgage. This is really not allowing me to go NC since I cannot ignore these texts. Have been taking my time in responding and trying to validate when I answer.
What should I do?

[MoveFrwd]

Assuming she isnt willing to pay half of a mortgage for a house she isnt living in, what is your alternative? Selling?

[sandi2]

I asked her what she was doing about her nieces birthday as far as the card and gift. She got all bent out of shape "asking why are you going?" Told her I wasn't going. She said it made things uncomfortable and weird. I told her I could send a card on my own. She seems to be changing her tune about not keeping me away from her family. I guess this is where I make my stand.

Why are you asking what she's doing for her niece........and, what do you mean by this is where you are making your stand? This is her family!

I'm not saying your W did anything right toward you or that you've done something wrong......so don't misunderstand me. I am saying that it makes the XH look very unattractive and his motives look very suspicious when he doesn't stay away from her family events. You are shooting yourself in the foot.

Send something to the niece, but stay away.

[along]

Sandi2,
I had absolutely no plans to go to the birthday party. I know how it looks. I just didn't know if they had told her aunt, who is the local gossip, about us yet. Didn't want to have two gifts and cards from us.
My stand is that I am through being taken advantage of and it is time to enforce my boundaries, which I know is a bit late.

[along]

Sandi2 or anyone that can better explain NGS. I have seen on this board where people have said that the NG isn't nice that its manipulation and passive aggressive behavior vs what most would think is the nice guy is weak and avoids conflict and does whatever is needed to make the S happy. What is a NGS like can it be both or is there a better description?