Maika, thanks for sharing Benito's thread. I look forward to reading it. I will also respond more to your thread ASAP. I do wish to know what others define as reconciliation. I've been thinking it's finding peace with the other person, such as forgiveness and being able to talk and be friends again. If reconciliation is defined as staying married or getting re-married then that's something different. I don't even know what I want anymore. I'm exhausted. I'm glad at the moment that at least for now, there is some peace. I hope to end up a better person. There are some things that have held me back like facing a health crisis and buying into certain schools of thought that are different than what many here believe, but I'm trying to persevere. I have some exciting job prospects which should help and my health is getting better. I was 93 pounds in January and now I'm 100 which is a big improvement. I wish to be more like you. I'll try not to make excuses for myself. I'm trying to re-gain confidence and be a good role model for my daughter. I want to re-read your thread and will try to adopt your way of thinking!
I've followed your thread Nicole, and I know you've been to hell and back. I know this is so hard and I totally feel you when there are other schools of thought that are different than here and you want to reach out and grab them hoping it's true. I feel like you've not really had a solid chance to stabilize yourself because of your health issues and employment changes. Your life did turn upside down from where you were in your career and that's a massive thing to deal with. So, give yourself a break and be compassionate to yourself.
You just said it yourself - you're exhausted. Don't try and tackle the whole world right now. Put all your energies right now into improving your health and all those exciting job prospects. Just get through that and your move and then see what the next steps are.
My problem was that I was trying to do too many things at the same time and it was destroying me. IC told me to chill out and start with one thing and then accomplish that and move on to the next. Slowly phase things in. I know it sounds logical and intuitive, but it was hard for me to do with the way my mind worked at that point. But, I made a mental shift and put 100% of my energy into one thing and then the next. And it worked!!
So, just do that and you will emerge more grounded and stronger and even more present for your daughter. My relationship with my kids has improved a thousand fold and it was because I worked on myself and put everything into it. Now my outlook and personality has changed and my responses to them come naturally. But, it took time and training and lot of self-reflection.
Give yourself time, space, love, and patience. I am looking forward to hearing about your move, your new job, and the wonderful life you will have for you and your daughter - something that you will build over the next few years, but the seeds of that life are starting soon.
