That REALLY escalated fast. (Hoosjim's 14th)

[DonH]

Thanks for caring, and for being here. Ima go "radio silence" until Easter morning. From pretty much everyone except my one close friend and the Almighty. I have a lot of thinking, and praying, to do.

And to clarify, I just had an IC session right now, not a joint MC session. So don't worry, I didn't go crawling back...

I thought this was a good place to start my comments. This was posted on Friday afternoon going into this pivotal weekend. So to begin with I find it rather interesting how you in some ways did the same behavior as your wife. Now you don't owe us all here anything, don't answer to us, etc. But many here have been very devoted to you - especially Sandi and artista. Going to just work on yourself, huh? A lot of thinking and praying to do, you say. Don't worry, you didn't go crawling back.

That was your comments while the truth of the matter was you knew darn well what you were about to do and knew just as well nearly everyone here would try to talk you out of it. Tell me I'm wrong. And if you are going to try to claim that things just changed last minute - why not reach out for some advice before meeting with W? Again, I think you knew what you'd be told and didn't want to hear it or follow the advice.

It had been one week - 7 measly days. Now I have zero doubt it felt like a month or more to you - likely several months to your W. But we all know around here, talk about and witness how things take many months - often years - to work out. A one week semi-separation is NOTHING. What I believe you have done is traded the best chance of long term success for short term comfort. You wanted to feel better, to end your hurting, wanted to end your W's hurting and in exchange gave up on or at least certainly damaged and diminished your chances at long term success.

I have actually been more on your side of thinking than many others here but even I would have strongly suggested against returning home and going all in. And make no mistake, that's what it looks and feels like to your W deep down. I don't know that it can be undone or as you state the genie can be put back in the bottle. So pretty much, your C and everyone here wishes you would not have done what you have done. Yet you did it. Why? That is really the question here - WHY?

I think it's the dance you and your W have always done. It's the dynamic that you have. It's not healthy. Clearly your W has so much to fix within herself, but then, I'm starting to see, so do you.

I don't for one minute believe her story of how after she saw OM in passing for two minutes she had this transformation and wanted to call you, jump you and make everything better all right away. Bull SHlT - I just don't buy it. She may have moved one or two notches on the 20 notch scale but no way in heck did she move that far. What moved her there was your reaction. It was YOUR moves to say you are done and are leaving that flipped the switch for her. And now she's trying to spin it as after seeing OM. Her comments are likely true but they happened after you dropped the bomb on her - not after she saw OM.

Amazing how artista and to some degree Sandi called all of this. I was fearful of it but didn't think you'd cave so easily. I do think your W feels all in for this moment in time. That will change. I'm certain of it. It may have already started to change and you just don't know it yet. It was your actions that were driving hers and it still is. Only now it's your latest actions that are driving hers.

Jim, she is just as broken as she was. There is something damaged in her that is making her act these ways. Until that gets fixed you are going to have these same things going on. It appears that has been the case since you met her. Hearing how she chose the wrong guys, broke it off with you multiple times then came back. Does that sound familiar? Choose Rodney Dangerfield for a time now is back with you. What comes next - you know what comes next.

It almost sounds like the two of you are already back in couples MC? Is that what is happening this week? Again, only days ago you were saying she needed IC for a long time before the two of you could work.

And you'd consider moving away for a fresh start????????????? Huh? It's not the location of your house or hometown that will give you a fresh start. You will just move your problems to whatever new community you decide to run away to. This is teenager talk! Hitting the "reset" button - or starting over or lets run away. That's not the talk of healthy, mature adults. It's not what MC professionals advocate. It's band aide, feel-good talk.

Run away. That seems to be the theme going on - sadly now with both of you. Rather than face the hard work, it's easier to ease the pain for today at the expense of doing the real heavy lifting and fixing things.

I know this has been a stiff 2X4 but I really think you need it. I have been worried about your W, her manipulative actions, her half truths. Now I'm starting to worry about you. That started last Friday telling us all one thing while doing another.

Lord I so hope you prove us all wrong. I just don't see it. Not right now anyhow. I'm sure everyone will continue to stand by you and try to help - myself included. Now it's me that wants to hit the reset button - return us all to Friday morning so we could alter your course for this past weekend. That's obviously not possible but it's all I got at the moment. Really hoping Sandi and artista can pull a rabbit out of the hat here.