Steve, thanks for offering that explanation. I can see how I became too dependent on my husband. For years we did everything together and rarely went more than an hour without talking. It felt like we were partners, best friends, and everything together. I have hundreds or maybe thousands of e-mails from my husband telling me I'm a perfect wife, how much he loves me, etc.. I was so happy with him and I think I gradually became dependent by default and because I thought that's what marriage is. Now I can see the advantages of interdependence since my husband is gone. I'll work towards grasping it more fully and aiming for it in my next relationship. I wish to think I could still have that level of closeness with another person in the future, but apparently it has to be more balanced.
Maika, thanks for sharing Benito's thread. I look forward to reading it. I will also respond more to your thread ASAP. I do wish to know what others define as reconciliation. I've been thinking it's finding peace with the other person, such as forgiveness and being able to talk and be friends again. If reconciliation is defined as staying married or getting re-married then that's something different. I don't even know what I want anymore. I'm exhausted. I'm glad at the moment that at least for now, there is some peace. I hope to end up a better person. There are some things that have held me back like facing a health crisis and buying into certain schools of thought that are different than what many here believe, but I'm trying to persevere. I have some exciting job prospects which should help and my health is getting better. I was 93 pounds in January and now I'm 100 which is a big improvement. I wish to be more like you. I'll try not to make excuses for myself. I'm trying to re-gain confidence and be a good role model for my daughter. I want to re-read your thread and will try to adopt your way of thinking!
