I know you are thinking things are going well. I am there with you! However, one thing I've learned from sandi and others is that this has to be consistent, and over time. WWs can be so manipulative. As I've told other posters here, catching them often just makes them go even more stealth. And they can be very good at lying. Early on in my sitch my wife could lie through her teeth so convincingly. This is a woman that used to be honest to a fault! So I would think, "yeah, there is no way she is this good at lying after being so honest for so long!"
So just be cautious, my friend. Keep doing the work, but be cautious. Another thing I've heard is that the truth always has a way of coming out. So there is no need to snoop and spy, if she isn't genuine eventually it will come out.
Good luck though, your long posts definitely seem to be showing signs of moving in the right direction.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
I only have a minute, but so far your story is mimicking mine... Your situation is the reason I finally decided to participate on these threads... I deeply believed it would be a mistake if you gave in to Easter Sunday... Aye... The submissiveness, the eventual flirting, ML... It is playing out exactly like I thought it would if you joined her on Easter... But that's why they call it human nature... Nothing new under the sun... I will share what I think you ought to do to protect what you have... Things my H and I didn't do... Tomorrow...
She wants to run away with you, send sexy texts, hump like bunnies. It doesn't sound like either of you actually reset, time away is what was needed, to reenter R building from a healthy place, you skipped that part.
For what its worth, my ex and I had a sex marathon, she was saying she wanted work on us, going to counseling, etc.. right up until I found out she was downloading "NoTraceIM", "Whats App" and another one I don't recall. I decided I had enough and ended it.. Then about 6 months later I understood what it meant to have space and recenter ones self.
Good luck Jim, I hope it doesn't turn out to be the mistake I fear it might be.
M - 9 1/2 years 5/5/16 - Bomb drop - 3 week EA 10/31/16 - We sold house 01/10/18 - D Finalized
She wants to run away with you, send sexy texts, hump like bunnies. It doesn't sound like either of you actually reset, time away is what was needed, to reenter R building from a healthy place, you skipped that part.
For what its worth, my ex and I had a sex marathon, she was saying she wanted work on us, going to counseling, etc.. right up until I found out she was downloading "NoTraceIM", "Whats App" and another one I don't recall. I decided I had enough and ended it.. Then about 6 months later I understood what it meant to have space and recenter ones self.
Good luck Jim, I hope it doesn't turn out to be the mistake I fear it might be.
Yes, this is what scares me in my sitch. But there is nothing I can do about that. If she is doing things stealthily. I can't control her. I can only control me.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Yes, she's even saying "let's sell the house and move away... the beach, or something else far from here."
did your radar go up when she said that? it's so weird that i said the same thing... Hoosjim, she has not done the work... her goal was to get you to Easter... i am not saying she is deliberately playing you... she believes, at this moment, that she wants you and the M... Easter was the bridge she needed to cross, or she needed you to cross... that was the key to getting you home... to showing you that she is broken and "dying inside." i think you should have kept your original plan on not having Easter with her and your boys... that would have been a stinging consequence of her infidelity... you rescued her from that... and so did your Counselor...
i know you believe that her seeking IC is part of her doing the work... i do not think so... everything from your W so far has been reactionary... not work...
you two need to continue MC... you need to hold your W's feet to the fire... is she giving up BFF? that was one of your requirements... now that things have settled a bit, i do not see you standing by that... what about the after hours wine time? did you even get the time and take the opportunity to share your requirements for reconciliation? IF NOT--YOU NEED TO BACK-PEDAL PRONTO, and state them with strength... do not think it's too late... it isn't... it would be a BIG MISTAKE if you don't...
this is something that should have happened before you let her back in... before getting together for Easter... and then you should have given her time to consider your requirements... to really think about them... because right now, or last weekend, she was/is going to say, YES! I'LL DO ANYTHING! but you don't want that on-the-spot... that is reactionary... if you did state your requirements, good--but you didn't give her time to really consider them... not good...
anytime she begins to back-pedal on ANYTHING, you need to put her in check... DO NOT MAKE EXCUSES FOR HER... she is manipulative... her sending you a pic of her leg is a form of manipulation... don't think it's not... that questionable jewelry that makes you uncomfortable? she ought to be willing to part with it whether OM gave it to her or not... btw, i told you she didn't want OM, and i was right about that... he is not the problem... her thing is she liked acting like a single woman... that's the DANGER! i think that with that mindset, she could fall into a long-distance EA...
at this early stage, there can be no girls' weekends, including her birthday weekend with her gfs... if those things ever happen again, it cannot be until she shows consistent change over a long period of time... not weeks, not months...LOOONNNNNGGGGG! i do have a hard time seeing you hold her to this if she challenges you... are prepared if challenges you for her birthday getaway with BFF and other gf? if she still hopes to make that getaway happen, that will tell you a lot...
don't confuse anything she has done so far with her doing the work... she has done enough to get you home and to get you to let her back in, and that is only because you are too easy... you let her in too easily... you were warned, but you gave in... and you know it... it's evident in your tone...
so--your work begins now, hoosjim... your 180 is to take off those rose-colored glasses and discard them for good...
are prepared if challenges you for her birthday getaway with BFF and other gf? if she still hopes to make that getaway happen, that will tell you a lot...
This is huge! Good call on this one.
If she is really serious, then she will happily give up the getaway to save her MR. If not, then this has all been a big manipulation to get what she wanted on Easter......
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
