Meg I think you handled yourself very very well!!! Give yourself a pat on the back!
You know what you need to do... you need to GAL like crazy. :-) And, if you used to be a good writer then start a journal. Need a kick to get started? Take baby steps - start by writing three things that you are grateful for. You don't have to put a lot in it to start. Often mine equate to about 10 words total. As you get into the groove you'll write more and pretty soon you'll find yourself again.
You don't have to have all the answers right now. Its okay if what YOU want changes from day to day.
You do need to stop being so available to H. Don't be afraid to put him off next time he wants a family visit because you already have plans. Trust me, if and when H really wants to come home he will work at it and not throw his hands in the air and say "but, I wanted to see and talk to you"... if he is sincere then postponing till your available won't be a deal breaker for him.
You are getting stronger!!! I know it may not feel that way when you are being tortured by emotions but it certainly shows in your last post.
