On March 16th, she dropped the decision to divorce. On March 18th, I told her I would fight for joint custody, as our issues aside, I'm a good father.
That morning, we argued - I called her a selfish b*. She called the cops, left the house and I have not seen her since. On March 21st, I was served with a Restraining Order against me, my kids, and my pets - effectively kicking me out of the house and also securing her short term custody and complete control of visitation.
While I have had my issues, I've admitted to them and gone to counseling. In my opinion, the recent moves on her behalf are tied to her trying to posture for full custody of the kids during the divorce process.
The extent of the TRO revolves around our last few months of arguing and me pleading late at night to work on the marriage and be physically intimate - she recorded me on some of those occasions. There is little to nothing about the kids, other than they witnessed us arguing and my eldest was sleeping in the bed when I was pleading for physical touch.
While I was not perfect, I was definitely being set up for this divorce so that she could get exactly what she wanted.
I have also discovered for the last year she's been having some sort of EA, possibly PA with her boss who is a doctor - also married.
In fact, she told me asked to transfer 9 months ago, because of "career" reasons - but in truth I believe it was to stop the EA/PA from continuing with my wife.
While I'm not sure - I'm seeing lots of phone calls now on our Sprint bill - which I wish I wasn't snooping on, but I feel completely blindsided.
I've lawyer'ed up and she hasn't yet. But I suspect it may come, depending on how the TRO process shakes out. I will contest it all the way, as I have a job that requires me to have a clean background/security reasons.
I'm hurt right now. Perhaps I pushed her into the arms of another man with my behavior, but she could have talked to me - we could have worked on it.
Instead she's running, making sure I look like the bad guy, and pursuing her boss who's a married man...all the while living out her MLC - partying all night with girlfriends, using drugs, and not coming home until the next day.
I've been understanding, based on my past behavior - I felt she had the right to cut loose.
Unfortunately, I'm now in this predicament.
Not sure how to approach her tomorrow at the TRO hearing. Positive detachment comes to mind. I'm working hard on being a "Spouse only a fool would leave", but it's hard as I haven't seen or talked to my kids in 2+ weeks.
What do I do here guys? I can't compete with a doctor..a married doctor. I can't compete, I can't even talk to her.
She's blinded by this affair and the possibilities of freedom and more male attention, and I'm sure she feels confident that she'll win a huge child custody award and alimony - but my lawyers are fairly certain based on what they've seen that I'm good for at least joint, maybe sole custody (not my intention at all though).
I'm hurting, I'm scared, I've been lonely for weeks.
I was going out drinking before she told me divorce - it was just so hard. But now, where I'm at now - I'm not touching alcohol.
I've been working out, eating well, trying to focus on work (I'm really good at what I do and it pays me well). I'm looking better, feeling better - but I sometimes dwell on the loss. Of her talking to her boss daily.
I question if I should ask the kids if he's been around or they've been secretly meeting at my house while I'm gone. I'm scared of the answer and almost positive I shouldn't put that on my kids - but I feel a compulsion to know.
I miss my kids, hoping that this TRO works out so I can start seeing them. I love them so much.
Part of me though worries, once I start having the kids, that she'll go full blown into this EA/PA with her boss - that hurts me for some reason. Maybe cause I still love her after all this. I have even forgiven her for most of it...I guess now I have to try and forgive the EA/PA - not for her, but myself...it's hard - so hard.
But I'm a strong man, I got my kids on my mind, my goals set, I'm determined to prove to her she's made a terrible mistake. I feel obsession to grow from this experience.
I want this divorce now too, I need it to feel clarity, so I can have time and space. I'm not the control freak she makes me out to be, she's the one playing me like the fool. I fell for all of it. Love/marriage, wow. What a screwed up arrangement.
One time to Marriage Counseling and she throws in the towel - like it's just a check mark.
The weirdest part is I still feel like I should be apologizing for my faults. I was wrong with some of my behavior. Especially all the pleading, begging, chasing, pressure I was laying on her from Mar 3rd thru Mar 18th.
No more of that - going full 180, going to follow your rules sandi as best as humanly possible.
I'm still not sure what the future holds, but I'm taking it one step at a time.
