New LBW, H maybe in MLC and now with OW - part 2

[meg24]

Thank you all for the support. I got through H’s 24 hour visit, just kept picturing everyone’s words in my head.

Let me just start by saying that s19 FINALLY got his truck out of the snow! After 6 weeks! OMG!!!! It was stuck at 8000 feet, literally BURIED under 6 feet of snow. I don’t know how the 559 Recovery guys even knew the snow mound was a truck. But many thanks to them. 4 guys, dedicated to help a complete stranger. They didn’t even ask for payment (for 15 hours of hard work), but s19 paid them anyway.

Moving on….

DB says "keep the road home paved & smooth" - makes sense.
But they mean Don't go telling everyone in your world (and his) about the A or throw it in his face, and do not try to publicly shame your spouse

It’s a good thing I had no expectations for the weekend. He was, for the most part, doing a temp check, even basically admitted that. I let him do most of the talking, didn’t talk about myself. But I did bring up OW. H had absolutely no idea that OW fiancé reached out to me. But he said he figured I knew, because he knows I’m not stupid, and he knows that OW is pretty much why I dropped off Facebook. H did commend me on mentioning her (that is a 180 for me, he knows it).

And the only person I’ve told about the A is my very best girlfriend, who knows H and I both inside and out. She only wants both of us to be mentally healthy, and she does want us to work through issues.

I sincerely hope you will listen to the posters, even if it doesn't feel natural. There can be such an overwhelming sensation of relief when the waywards starts to come back around, and it can cause us to lose sight of the bigger picture. I am glad however that at the very least he is starting to self reflect and look at some of his own choices. For what it's worth, I don't see how your H is a MNG at all, I just can't see it.

Not sure what MNG is. But H is starting to self-reflect. He told me during our talk that I hit the nail on the head when I told him I think the majority of his issues right now are from childhood, just rearing their ugly head towards our M.

Those of us that have been reading here awhile, have seen the same patterns in waywards. It is not usual that the S does a sharp 180 and comes back so swiftly, but it can happen. It is far more common for them to waffle around a bit, to go back and forth a couple times, and to further jerk our hearts around, unfortunately. There are less stories like this because in most cases, posters here do not get a chance to reconcile because by the time they come here it is too late. Also, people tend to stop posting at that time. I hope you will continue to post, as your story has a lot others can learn from.

I have a feeling that the back and forth will be coming from before long. H said over and over he loves me, he’s only ever wanted me, I’m his soul mate, etc., but he doesn’t know what he’s doing. His words. My words aren’t as eloquent as many on here (once upon a time they used to be, I used to be a good writer, but stopped writing long ago, now have no idea how to put words, ideas, thoughts, feelings together so others can make sense of them). But I will continue lurking long after my sitch is over (however it ends). I appreciate those on here that stay on to help others.

The thing is, we cannot control them or their actions. It sounds obvious but it's also hard to accept. A lot of what he's doing could be influenced by his R with OW and that it wasn't the pipe-dream he had been planning on. What you can control tho, is you. You can 180, GAL and focus on being the best Meg there is. Even if he wants to come back today, it is important that you still work on detachment and self-healing from this. Over time he will come to see that and naturally be drawn more towards you. While my 2*4 may have been harsh, and I am sorry for that, I still reserve me position that we teach others how to treat us. I hope you will not allow him to just walk back into your life, home, or bed. Others, even our spouses, lose respect for us when we allow them to walk all over us. I see him as walking all over you, completely selfish and entitled. He got a small taste of something else, or perhaps that he messed up, and then he asks what YOU want? I mean really. He has got to show complete responsibility, remorse, and loyalty to you if he wants you, no?

Funny thing is (not really funny) he said he asked me that question Saturday because he’s selfish and he’s not sure what he’s doing and he’s afraid that I won’t be there in the end and it might be too late by the time he figures things out. His words. I guess we both have to take that chance, the chance that I won’t be there when he does figure out that he wants his M.