Hi MyBest, my husband is also an immigrant and we met overseas. There are some similarities between our situations. In our cases you do have to check and be sure you weren't used for immigration purposes, in which case I doubt DB would make much difference. Assuming you don't believe that's the problem, there are already so many challenges that couples face when one immigrates and then marriage is hard enough even when we're from the same country.
My husband also said he 'worked' on the marriage but I didn't see it that way. It's hard to understand sometimes what someone means when they say that. It sounds like your husband perhaps wants to leave and make himself miss you, or go date other women and see if he finds anyone better...those are some possibilities that come to mind.
In terms of detachment, I found it takes a long time. You have to find other friends to fill the gap. You have to get used to the empty bed, the silence, the loneliness. It may be easier if you have hope that your marriage can still work after time passes and you and your husband both experience personal growth and chance.
I struggled a lot with letting my husband go two years ago when he left the first time. I also felt like he wouldn't come back and we had been so close and had done everything together for so many years before that. It was so shocking to have him pack up his stuff and leave. It IS scary to let someone go. On the other hand, you don't have a choice, because you can't force them to stay if they don't want to. It's just so painful.
If you and your husband had a reasonably decent marriage then hopefully it won't take too long for your husband to realize what he's missing when he's gone. There is still hope.
You asked about how to get to step one. I'm not sure, but I think in the beginning you may need to find a way to reduce contact until you're more emotionally stable and confident. It's so unnatural to change how you interact with your own husband. I relate to how hard it can be just getting to step one!
I hope you get other good advice here and I look forward to hearing more details about what's happening when you have time to write more.
