They are to make you into a person that only a fool would leave. They are not to try to attract him back. He must decide that for himself.
Fellow newbie here and relate to a lot of your post, mybest. It is VERY difficult to truly detach and shake the feeling that if you let them go, they won't come back. After all, we are here because they have already said they wanted to go! Very counter intuitive. I am struggling to establish emotional boundaries and letting go of the idea that maintaining connection and communication is so critical. I can do the physical distancing by force, like you described just willing yourself not to call or text. But in my own head and emotionally, I don't think it's true detachment.
My question for you Cadet, in regards to the piece I quoted, is "making you into a person that only a fool would leave" and "not to try to attract him back" seem like conflicting statements. You are making yourself attractive so no one would leave, including him. I get the idea that the change is for yourself and not the other person, but at the end of the day how do you separate the fact that all this is brought on during an effort to win them back?
M: 26 W: 26 M: 1.5 T: 3 No kids BD: 31 March 2018
W's affair began: 23 March 2018 Affair confirmed: 18 April 2018 Confrontation/claims she ended A: 14 May 2018 Ended in-house separation: July 2018
