No more denial, time to get to work

[MRay]

Sadly, I agree that a friendship is the most likely outcome for the exact reasons you have pointed out. She has built up resentment towards me that she can't let go and I think she has unrealistic expectations of a long term relationship. She thinks of me as family, and her family are the only people she's ever been close with for more than a couple years. She has built up resentment towards all of us.

And yes, she was trying to show the outside world a perfect marriage. That's what her whole life has been about: having the perfect life so she didn't disappoint her parents and all the sacrifices they made to give her this chance. She had a big checklist, and I fit the bill to check off the boxes. When describing it to me it sounded so clinical that I questioned if she ever was actually in love with me. She said she was truly in love with me at one point in time, but now she sees me like a brother. That one stung a bit.

I've always had an intense desire for her. That has never once gone away for me, and she knows it. So it's not like all of a sudden I'm showing stronger feelings for her than I ever have. I've always tried to show her my love. I've read the love languages book and honestly I feel like I was hitting them all. I don't know what her LL is and I don't think she could figure it out if she read the book either.

Anyways, thanks for the thoughts. I think I'm on the path to give us the best chance to reconnect, even if it's not the most likely outcome. I do want her to be happy. If I knew in the long run she would be happier without me, I'd file for divorce right now. I know I'll be fine, though I worry about our kids. I just believe, maybe naively, that her best chance for long term happiness is with me and our family. In the end I don't want her to stay with me if she doesn't want me. That's not fair to anybody.