Former WH, now LBS Please Help, close to Give Up

[betheoa]

Dear Sandi and others,
Now i am filling a bit better.
I am glad Sandi you read all my mess from previous post correctly correctly, i was full of emotions, and i wanted to talk/write to someone, i just see you ask about me, and i felt to so alone. Thank you being there.

So what is the situation now...
My WW went for date, eat together with OM cake.
From my Previous convo snoop as well as FB snoop, she talk about me to OM, as we live together, and give each other total freedom. Of course, she do not put me in good light.
Today WW pursuit him about, further date, for lunch, diners and so on.

After work i went to sport appointment marital art (my WW and the kids go as well), but this time the kids are with her parents.

After her date with OM, she call me, and ask where i am, i told her, i am on my way, she ask me if i will go on time for firs workout (she will be there), i told her i will not, and will attend for second one, the she told me, that second one will not be, and if i wont i can go late for firs one, i told her i will not and go home, i was very short (bit angry) but try to be just firm, say bye. (from her respond i know she felt shouted down from me).

So i went home, i was thinking how to handle the evening when she come home, how to behave how to act, yesterday we were civil and even pleasant, she talk about her day (a bit).....how i can start to be with this new behavior, without snooping ....I tough i can just play as nothing happened...(but i already play this 6-8 moths ago) and this not bring any big changes (she was wondering why i am so happy, and she steel do what she do - this was convo with her GF)

I came home, her laptop was on the table as usual, with open FB, she did not make a effort to close FB (her PC has a bug from time to time, not going to shut screen down). I sow this as opportunity, to start a new page.

I left out, found a place to stay till the kids come home (Thursday), i am not call to my WW, she did not call yet (she know why i am not there, but she do not know my planes). This days i will not go home, i will not talk to her, will not answer if she call.

To be honest, other reason i not want to stay at home this evening, is because i do not want to see her (to see how much, efforts she have done to her appearance for OM, dress, make up and so on.) i know this is my EGO, but with the time i will handle it.
Also if i was staying at home, there was two possibilities.
-Just staying there without, speaking
-Start doing some thing on the PC and possibly be witness of her FB with OM
-be involved in argument.

So that is the situation now.

Now i am going to answer your question Sandi.

Okay, I support your decision to drop the rope. I hope you understand what it means. I will try to help keep your focus on it.

Thank You Sandi, it is mean a lot, i was/i am Nice guy, i am also codependent, and many other thinks - build with the time living with manipulative woman with low self esteem.

If you drop the rope, you let her go. You do not show that you care what she does or who she meets. Do not interact with her, except regarding business issues and the kids. Don't help her. Shut her out of your heart. Don't share your thoughts or words with her. She does not belong to you. You are cutting her off from you.

2 months ago i stooped share my everyday, i stooped talk about what i think or feel. I know from past experience, she love when i open my thoughts and heart to her, and she shut me down very hard.

Yes, you are probably right. But, too late for her to play these games. She has lost you. You have dropped her. Let her play nice. It makes no difference. Don't trust her niceness. It means nothing. What she thinks is not important to you, anymore.

Since i red your posts about LBS with WW, i put my self (when emotions allow me, in observe mode), and see the Game. The pity is that i know what is going one, but wont to believe that this time she made the turn ... at this moments i wont to kick my self very hard. i will not play this game any more.

Do not go anywhere "with" your WW. You are no longer a couple. She has torn it apart. Do not go to visit her parents with your WW. If you drop off the kids or take them to her parents, you can speak. Do not tell them your plans. Do not share your thoughts with them. Only be polite, and nothing more. Maybe some day you can share more time with them.

I understood, one of the most scary thinks for her, is about her parents to found out whats is going one with "Us" (it will brake them down) my infidelity in the past and her behavior now. I am not going to share my thoughts with now one, just the forum or/and if i found trusted person in real life ....yet there is no one.

That is your choice to make. I think you are too focused on what appears as punishment. You anticipate her punitive behavior, and you are concerned she will perceive your actions as punitive. Stop worrying about what she thinks.....if you are going to drop the rope. Be done with her.

message received

I thought you had separated from her. Have you been staying with her in the house?

yes Sandi, i share this some posts earlier, it was when i came home to see my kids and decide to stay with them as well as i was not ready logistically/financial to stay separated....to be honest and to see if she do/will do any changes. Now as i wrote above, begin to prepare our other flat for living it will take 3 months, it is close 10 min walk to our existing home. When the time come i have to figure out, what to say to the kids....

Yes! I warned you to protect your finances.

I will think about....when i leave, what support will do. For now i will stop, any other things except grocery and bills.

If i inform any relatives, there will not come any good. If the situation bring the things itself, the OK, but for now i do not see any good come from it. No one from my relatives or hers, has not any power to change my direction, not after information i found here.

When you have stayed away from her, then you will start feeling stronger. You must stop contacting her, except to talk to your children.

Yes i am filing this now, yet there is fall sown as well (just sneaky thoughts like, am i doing right things, is she WW, is the OM is real OM or a friend and so on )...but i know what is the reality.

Don't stop being with your children.

That is main reason, why i come back to home, after my leaving home for a week. When i have my one place to leave, they will come/stay with me, so i will not have to deal with WW.

You will need to fill the emptiness with other things. People need other people in their life.

Here i have to work hard, with the time pass 18 years together, my wife succeed to cut me off all friends i had (this will be for another topic, where i will write about how/when/why i have become WH...and how return back), I will try to reconnect some old friendships, and build new one.

Where can you go this week to be in a good, safe place......and be around other people?

This week, until kids come back to home i will stay at motel, go to work, write more to the forum, and maybe reconnect some friend of FB. I will try to see some friends for coffee...

What do you enjoy doing for fun? Do you have a hobby or activity you like?

This is not self pity plot, but from 5 years, every minute, that i am able, i think or i am with or i am doing something for my wife. So i know i am a mess, i hope with your help and others to start going in write direction. Last 5 years my hobby was to Goggle and read about how to save your marriage, how to be forgiven and think like this. I found this forum 2 years ago, but pay more attention 1 year ago, and finally take some real action like leave for week, or stand for my self after communicate with You.

To found out right information is very important, for example.2 years ago, when WW was "just friend" OM1 (there was similar attention to OM1 - like limerance) i found out the Red Pill forum, Alpha/beta mail things, Nice guy things ....and start to educate my self and the tings may become little better....then come OM2, and from one forum i was advised to perform Cake-eating, and be very understandable to her, because of my infidelity past....

So now when i really feel lost, i am stuck to idea i have WW, and i do not deserve to be punished any more for something i have done 6 year ago, honest apologize many times, and consistently show my change over 5 years.

Thank you being with me. This days i will write more, because i already have PC with me. last 1 mount i have not PC at home and wrote by phone.