Former WH, now LBS Please Help, close to Give Up

[sandi2]

Okay, I support your decision to drop the rope. I hope you understand what it means. I will try to help keep your focus on it.

1. I am going to be much more bigness to her than ever, if she ask why i behave like this, i will answer "seriously?", i know what i know (from snooping), i will not confront her about what i know, it does not matter any more (she know what she is doing, and she know i am not agree), that is enough.

Please explain what you mean by being more bigness to her.

I agree with your responses to her. It does not matter to her that you know about her affair. She is using her children.

2. I will resist to temptation to confront OM, it will looks desperate, i did not see, what good will achieve if i am doing this.

Correct. The problem is your wayward wife.

3.I am going further to done our new flat to live there in the end of June, till then i need some advice, how to handle the every day living with her, i expect her interaction with the OM, to increase much more, because of my 180 and drop the rope. She will do it to punish me as well as to get her high from him, i think this will go to full blown EA and possible PA,so i am preparing my self to that. From my side begging or pleading or so on, i cut this many years ago (i did when she was only WAW), but cut this when she become WW

It does not matter why she continues to see the OM. Understand? Wrong is wrong! Wanting to punish you, does not make her affair right.

If you drop the rope, you let her go. You do not show that you care what she does or who she meets. Do not interact with her, except regarding business issues and the kids. Don't help her. Shut her out of your heart. Don't share your thoughts or words with her. She does not belong to you. You are cutting her off from you.

4. I an sure, when i do 180 i behave aloof, and act as if i go with my life, she will behave very nice and pleasant, even more if i do not bug her about her where about or any other question about her, she will be even more glad ....?

Yes, you are probably right. But, too late for her to play these games. She has lost you. You have dropped her. Let her play nice. It makes no difference. Don't trust her niceness. It means nothing. What she thinks is not important to you, anymore.

5. Should i avoid contacts with her Parents, like going together with WW and the kids to drop the kids and take them to her parents?

Do not go anywhere "with" your WW. You are no longer a couple. She has torn it apart. Do not go to visit her parents with your WW. If you drop off the kids or take them to her parents, you can speak. Do not tell them your plans. Do not share your thoughts with them. Only be polite, and nothing more. Maybe some day you can share more time with them.

6.Should i put down my weeding ring or/and change my FB status.(i feel this will be more to punish her, instead to do something about my detachment.

That is your choice to make. I think you are too focused on what appears as punishment. You anticipate her punitive behavior, and you are concerned she will perceive your actions as punitive. Stop worrying about what she thinks.....if you are going to drop the rope. Be done with her.

7. This week, will be without the kids, should i stay out of the house (that will give her opportunity), to go out with OM at the evening, aka. make opportunity to PA?

I thought you had separated from her. Have you been staying with her in the house?

You cannot control her. Stop staying with her to prevent her having a PA with OM. You are dropping your emotional rope around her. Understand? Leave her to do whatever she wants.

8. Should i start separate finance about the house, or i will keep handle the household and the kids, but not pay for her things.

Yes! I warned you to protect your finances.

Should i inform relative about the separation?

If the relative will not press you to change your direction, then yes, you can inform your relative. If her parents don't know, you can inform them.......if she does not tell them herself. None of this is to persuade her decisions, but just to inform her parents.

When you have stayed away from her, then you will start feeling stronger. You must stop contacting her, except to talk to your children. Don't stop being with your children. You will need to fill the emptiness with other things. People need other people in their life.

You need to make friends who are not connected to her. You feel lonely because you do not have people without her and her family. You need to meet new people. Find good people. Don't show your desperation to new people. Do you belong to a religious group, where you might receive compassion and emotional support?

Where can you go this week to be in a good, safe place......and be around other people? What do you enjoy doing for fun? Do you have a hobby or activity you like?

Have you seen a doctor about your depression and anxiety?

Talk often to us, and we can try to help you with a plan. I hope my advice today will help you drop the rope.

Please ask questions about anything you don't understand.