No affair, no feelings...is there hope?

[44tries]

Feeling extremely lost and really need the advice of some of you intelligent, well journeyed people here.
I have lurked around and found a lot of great stuff.
Quick (okay probably not that quick) background: My wife and I have only been married for a little over a year and a half. We are in our mid-20s. Lived together for about 9 months before getting married.
She is in the military and we are currently living overseas.
I will be honest and say that us getting married was probably influenced by military logistics, but certainly not the sole reason; maybe just sooner than we would have, no way to know now. Anyway, we are great friends and neither of us has had any kind of affair or anything like that. But, even before we were married, my wife would express feelings of unsureness saying things like she doubted our connection or didn't know if she was happy.
Vague things that were obviously concerning but I didn't really know what to do with them. She wasn't breaking up with me, but sometimes it almost seemed like she was trying to see if she could get me to do it.

About a year ago, shortly after we moved overseas, she acted very distant one day and finally went into a monologue about how she was sorry but she didn't think she had feelings for me anymore and she didn't want to hurt me but she felt done with the relationship. A few months removed from quitting my job and relocating everything I owned halfway around the world, I was a little rocked.
Again, I knew there were flags or concerns but I thought she had sorted them out before making these huge decisions!
So began my journey of trying to save my marriage.
At first, very briefly, I did all those taboo things like begging and chasing, but as I usually go to research first to solve any problem I face, I quickly learned the errors of my ways and studied everything I could to know the best way to respond. I reflected on my flaws and what could make me better for myself and for her. I gave/still give her space and tried to loosen my grip and my tendency for borderline manipulation if something isn't going the way I like. I also recognize I am the cliche "poor listener" because I am rational and always jumping in with answers rather than emotional validation.
I did my best to learn and fix, and I actually think I have made a lot progress.
Since that day, up until yesterday, we have not had any major discussions about our relationship being doomed, which was probably the longest we've gone without a big "bump". We both are better people, our communication has improved a LOT, we've taken several trips together, and overall enjoyed each other more than ever. Or so I thought.
A week ago, we were making decisions about where we wanted to try to live next and what our future plans looked like. We were excited and looking forward to working on our goals and dreams. Then, overnight (literally), she completely shut down and distanced herself, similar to a year ago.
I thought, o no, and stepped up to make sure I was doing all the little things and doing my part flawlessly during this apparently stressful time (she is definitely the 'do the dishes is my love language' type so this is what I mean I ramped up on, I gave her a lot of space and tried not to panic).

I encouraged her to take a weekend trip she wanted to go on to see some friends that had recently left our area and have fun with them and she was excited to go.
In the past year, I have really worked on dialing down my need to "control" and to allow for her big need for space.
Nonetheless, she came back from the trip and after asking if there was anything I could do for her since she was clearly still in a bad place, she told me again yesterday that she had really tried but our connection just isn't there and she doesn't want to be in the relationship anymore. She said we both deserve happiness and it just doesn't seem in the cards for us. She said she feels suffocated (always her words and I have tried and tried to back off more and more, I don't know what else to do without feeling like I'm giving up). By her own admission, she has a tendency to do things for the wrong reasons, because she thinks they will make other people happy.

She does this with me, her family, even friends. She is selfless to a fault, because it then breeds resentment and sometimes I feel she neglects her own needs so much she doesn't even know what they are. I have told her repeatedly don't do things you don't want to do just because you think it's what I want.
I really feel like this is a final blow. How do you know when it is time to throw in the towel? I am committed to my marriage and my wife, and I know that she HAS really tried, but we just aren't there yet and maybe never will be?
I am never one to give up, but we are still young with lots of life ahead and with so many doubts, is there a time when it is just better to abort the mission and accept it is doomed?

I am devastated and hope this isnt the answer but I feel so alone and hopeless and honestly sort of a fool like why didn't I just leave at the first red flags. I know she feels tremendous guilt because if we split up and I have to move back home somehow, all my plans for career (I am currently in a masters program) have to be changed to get a job quickly and support myself and we would have to figure out how to pay for my stuff to be moved including my car etc. A huge mess that honestly works against me because I think it makes her feel even more trapped and resentful.
She insists she is miserable and says she feels like she is living with a friend and we both deserve more. Our sex life is non-existent but she will still climb into bed and put her arms around me and things like that.
I thought there was enough to build on. For Christmas she gave me one of those star maps from the day we got married with a heartfelt inscription. She says she wanted to be good to me and not hurt me and that's why does those things (I always thought this made no sense and after reading here, maybe this is one of those don't believe what they say things because they are just making the narrative as negative as possible to give no hope?).
What is my next move, IS there any hope?
It feels like she made her final decision.
I don't want to be in a marriage where I'm not wanted, that has been very hurtful for me knowing her doubts and like I said sometimes I wonder if I'm not a huge fool. I am an intelligent, capable, attractive person, and I know that she respects me as a person. It's just the classic connection problem. My mom just recently divorced my father after 30 years of a loveless marriage claiming the exact same problem. I do not want to live that life or repeat his mistakes and yet here I am.

Do I keep trying?

It is completely demoralizing and it is not for lack of effort or willingness. I will do anything if it will help. Part of my problem is that I don't really know what to expect from marriage or have a good gauge for what is "normal" and what is some fatal flaw. But it sure seems like our issues are pretty typical.

I just don't really understand how a week ago everything was fine (obviously they weren't really), and suddenly she claims she has been miserable the whole time. Last weekend she got jealous enough of a stranger giving me a hug that she commented on it.
Even during her "shut down" week, I came to see her win an award and she put her hand on my knee when I arrived.
I just feel like I can't believe she has no feelings at all and that's what makes me not want to give up.
But I don't want to over-analyze to the point of delusion.
Last time, I implemented all the rules of giving space and not putting any pressure and I thought it worked. But rather than having an explicit talk about how we were going to "try again" it just sort of happened and of course I didn't complain.
I was probably too quick to fall back into routine once I thought I was in the safe zone.
When the rule says you don't talk about the relationship, when is it okay to do so?
Because this time, if by some miracle I get the chance, I don't want to repeat the cycle and constantly wonder what the heck actually happened or how she really feels or why she is mentioning me as part of her long term plans again. Eventually I hope I can have a marriage that I am sure of.

Also, so many people here seem to have EAs and PAs as part of their story, which I'm so thankful that's not part of mine, but in some ways it almost feels worse because apparently even being alone is better than being with me. Does the fact there is no A increase or decrease my chances?
Any advice or sharing is greatly appreciated and thanks for reading, sorry it was so long.