Isn't best to stop watching TV and the routine together? I LIVE for this time presently. That and waking up with her holding my arm in the morning are the ONLY things that give me hope. Is it giving her a sense of security? Is she just trying to have it both ways as she moves through her process and builds her new life?
Being able to go home and let down your hair and just be yourself is what we all want and need. If it will help you, think of this period as temporary........not a life sentence. Here's what I have observed in many LBH's. These scenarios, as you described above, is really for him. It's not really his W that needs it, but him. It gives him a sense security, of being loved and accepted. The thought of giving up so little seems too much to bear.
Currently, she is in survival mode and getting her sense of security from her online friends. She may, or may not, see you as a necessary & practical means in her life. You supply financial sources, take care of the physical work around the house, transport everyone (including her), etc. If her current frame of mind continues, more illogical thinking and actions will come.
It is critical that you stay mentally/emotional/physical balanced. I'm sure you have a lot of responsibility on your shoulders. Some things have to be done, in order to keep a home running. I don't know her physical limitations, but if there is anything she is capable of doing......let her do it. Make sure there are clean clothes and food in the house. If you can afford to have someone come in once a week to clean, it would probably be worth it.
We push eating healthy, sleeping enough, exercising a lot, and GAL.........b/c it is what keeps you going, and you can't afford to shut down. If you aren't sleeping, try some over the counter sleeping aids, and if they aren't sufficient, go to your doctor. If you can't eat.....take that vitimen that has A - zinc. I will testify to it giving an appetite! (lol). Many LBS's are not interested in GAL, and don't even know how to start b/c their world has become so small. Their emotional self just wants to hang close to home. You must take time away and find something interesting you like to do. You can take the children and do things with them, too. Just don't rely completely on them to be your total world. You need to expand it. ((hugs))
As I said, if it helps to think of this as being a temporary situation, then okay.......just realize that in some cases, MLC can go on for a long time. If she does something unusual......or weird, so what? She's in crisis, so she's going to act weird. You may have to schedule around her, IDK, but try not to base your entire life upon her at the moment. Otherwise, it controls you. Do you know what I'm saying? I don't want to appear as if I'm telling you to be cold and unsympathetic to her disabilities. I'm saying you need to do what is necessary to save yourself first, by following these suggestions.
Find spiritual food for your soul. This is as important as physical food. Find a source of inspiration. Listen to upbeat music and motivational tapes. Watch funny shows with your kids. Avoid sources that will negatively affect your moods, like sad movies and music. If people around are pessimist, maybe you need to be around someone else ........if that's possible. You may not be able to control what's happening to your W, but you can seek balance in yourself by being proactive in these few areas.
Without sharing too much, I know what it's like to live with a disabled person in the home. I understand the confinement, stress, and draining affect it can have on a family.....and a spouse. I know the gloom & doom atmosphere that can exsit within the house. I know what it's like to be a caregiver. I know if the caregiver doesn't have some moments to restore themselves (mentally, spiritually, physically) on a frequent bases, they won't last long. So, please take care of you.
((hugs))
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
