Hi all, just dropping by for a quick date and because I had an interesting exchange with the guy I am seeing. All is going well for me - still busy with friends, parent support, work etc.etc...and life is generally good here.

So, something happened with the guy I have been seeing and I was unhappy about it. I felt rejected and triggered. I'll avoid specifics, but he did something that XH did when he was having his affair and I felt the same (horrible) way. It wasn't actually a huge thing, so I think I need to own my reaction to it too. But it was significant enough to me that I wanted to raise it.

Previously I don't think I would EVER have raised this kind of thing and I felt it was really hard to do so. So difficult that I waited until he reached out, then I just wanted to text about it. Then I thought calling was best and so I did manage to call. But I was so worried about it I actually scripted out what I wanted to say.

Anyway, the good news was I said it and we had a conversation about it. I was calm and explained what my experience of it had been and how I had felt. I asked him if what I had been doing had been okay for him and I asked about his response at the time. He was unaware that he had done this and unaware that it had upset me.

He was completely taken aback. Flustered and nervously overtalking . But the good news was I was able to sit with his discomfort too and not jump in to rescue or downplay how I had felt to make him feel better. He probably responded as best he could 'in the moment' and also said that he both liked my directness and also found it difficult. He isn't used to being with a woman who is direct in that way.

I'm sure we'll talk about this again as he wanted to think about what I had said. But I was pretty happy that I managed to raise things in the way that I did. I find doing that excruciating and I feel vulnerable. But I am coming to realise that it is more important to dig deep and have the tricky conversation. And however things unfold, I just think it is the way I am now - it is my path. Others may or may not want to be on that path with me, but that's okay...

Anyway, hope everyone is having a lovely Easter weekend, and I just wanted to share that one. It does help me see that I have travelled a distance and that the mirror work at the time of crisis does impact greatly (in a good way!) on my life going forwards. Xxx

T 13 M 7
Me 48 H 46
SS 15
BD 7.14 PA
D final 5.16 (H filed)

We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus