The birth was a fairly traumatic one with tearing and an episiotomy, and W also had multiple infections while trying to breastfeed. So I knew she was not up for sex when the doctor cleared her at the six week mark. I didn't bring it up until around the 10th-12th week mark, and we had sex at 16 weeks. W says that is the night she remembers falling out of love with me as she cried herself to sleep.
This is fairly common procedure, when giving birth. I'm not sure why it was so traumatic, unless she had nothing to help with the pain. Whatever happened.......I get the impression she fears getting pregnant again. If there is no birth control being practiced......then she might see abstaining as her only solution.
The experience with her mother is very unfortunate. I hope she has a mature woman in her life that she can talk to about her personal issues......or anything else. I think women need to have another woman to share their feelings and to seek wisdom. I am seeing a trend in our young women today that lead me to believe this is a very important link they are missing in their busy lives.
Getting M when you are very young, is quite challenging.......b/c both of you are still growing up. My H and I have changed so much that the couple we were on our wedding day is pretty much just a memory. We've been together for a long time. One of the things I discovered was the boy I wanted when I was 16.......was not the man I desired after I had more maturity under my belt. Couples will grow up together, or they'll grow up apart. The advice my grandmother gave me was, "You never reach a point you can stop working on your MR.......if you want to have a good one". She was 16 when she M my grandfather and they had been M about 65 years when he passed away.
I said all of that, not to sound as if I don't take your problems seriously. In fact, I think they could be quite serious.......depending on whatever is going on with your W. I mainly wanted you to know that I understand what it is like to fall in love very young, have the long distant romance, get M and start a family with the only person you've known intimately. Life can be very hard on marriages, but in most cases, there is always hope that the couple's love will pull them back together.
Keep posting, and don't give up.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
