25yrsmlc, my sense is the DB approach is better than the tough love approach when someone walks out-the-door, since tough love doesn't offer much incentive to bring someone back at that point. It's nice to hear you have two families members who divorced and re-married. That's what my husband suggested a month or two back. I have mixed feelings about that but if he really wanted to change and sought long-term professional treatment then that'd be great to fix it. I did get more information from the legal standpoint this week but it didn't really change anything. Even if I get divorced here, unemployed, then get a job in another state and earn an income, or my husband loses his income, whatever happens will get adjusted even after divorce. I don't have much time to write in detail about it but basically I didn't find any reason not to move first, so I'm still moving. I see reasons to stay with my husband as well, based on sunk costs, but my husband is gone so there's nothing for me to decide there.
AnotherStander, I'm happy to hear you're aware of success stories that include both reconciliation and otherwise. That's really encouraging. I haven't been on this forum for too long so perhaps I only got a glimpse, and by chance, they've been mostly non-reconciliation stories. If I had come here two years ago mine would have been a reconciliation story as well, since my husband came back begging me to take him back the first time. I guess the long-term prospects once a reconciliation takes place are less guaranteed. In regard to understanding DB, I used a poor choice of words because I was writing fast and late at night but yes, I know that shutting someone out isn't the DB approach. I think 'going dark' is one technique of many to which I was briefly referring and that's for the purpose of self-growth and detachment....I'm writing fast again but I will try to finish the response more later...
Sorry everyone I will have to finish the responses later. My daughter is done with lunch and I have to go!
