Help evaluating LRT progress

[Olya]

If H isn't interested in sex, something is going on. Obviously, I don't know what, but don't expect instant results. Stop expecting anything.

There is something going on. He has low testosterone. It's not something that I have made up by reading WebMD. I convinced him to go see a doctor last fall, and the blood tests showed what I had suspected from the start of 2017. My husband is not an old man - he is turning 30 at the end of next month. I sometimes have wondered if depression has caused it, but that would be my diagnosis, not the doctors, so it's not worth a whole lot.

He will not take medications to raise his testosterone levels because taking male hormones, even by prescription, would end his military career. He's also not doing a whole lot to help the situation by guzzling down gallons of energy drinks per week.



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Update on my situation:

So, I went out yesterday and had a fabulous time.

I went to the local coffee shop to buy some joe for the road, and, I am neither kidding myself nor exaggerating to you, every man at that joint looked up and stared at me when I walked in, and kept staring until I left. I'm only 28, and on some level I have always been dimly-aware that some of my mother's good looks have rubbed off on me, but I am not used to this kind of frank attention: usually, I'm with someone else, and more often than not, that someone else is my husband. It felt good to see that I'm not some discarded object.

The hike was great. I waked up a mountain and back - 6.8 miles in total. The people I met were fun and we will be doing this again at the start of May. One of the folks I met is now my new Facebook friend. He and I are roughly the same age and he organizes events like this often. I got the impression that, if I want to, I can do something like this practically every weekend (April ends up being a hiatus month for most people in the group, but then it picks back up to several times a week).

Afterwards I took myself to dinner, posted a little on this board, bought a birthday present for my sister-in-law, and went to see a movie.

In total, I was gone from home for 15 hours or so.

When I got home, my husband was already in bed, but my return woke him up. He pretended he was still asleep.

Around 5 this morning, he started back up with poking and elbowing me... and I just got so fed up with it.

First, having my arm next to his elbow or my foot against his leg is not an attempt on my part to snuggle, cuddle, or have sex.

Second, I run very cold when I sleep. He runs hot. At least one of my extremities will always end up either next to him or right next to him, thawing on the portion of the sheets that he had been warming. I have zero control over that because I am asleep when I do it.

Third, he has used this a year ago as a way to reject me without really being prompted to. If I touched any part of his body, even by accident like I just described, he would yell at me to get off him, flail, and attempt to storm off to sleep on the recliner in the living room. Back then, I'd beg him to stop and get a grip on himself. I'd ask him to calm down and stay in bed. I'd try to give him a hug, stroke his hair, and tell him to stop. That, of course, would only make things worse.

This time around, we have not gotten to the point where he is that far gone, but we're getting there and I can tell that he wants - itches - for the opportunity to get there. Well, I am not doing that again and I am not living through that again. During the week, I sleep 5 hours a night - I don't need this nonsense. So, I sat up, put my hand on his shoulder, and had the following conversation with him using my best calm and gentle voice:

Me: "Boo-Bear, do you remember how last week you told me that you don't mind sleeping on the recliner downstairs?"
Him: "Yeah, I thought about that, but it seems too late right now. Why?"
Me: "Because I'm tired of you poking and prodding me half the night."
Him: "Well, if you weren't trying to snuggle with me half the night or sneak up on my side of the bed, this wouldn't be a problem!"
Me: "You know what, I think I would like you to go sleep downstairs right now."
Him: "What!? Why?"
Me: "Because I would like to get some sleep."
Him: "Fine"
Me: "Do you want your pillow."
Him: "No, I'll be fine. We need a second bed."

He went downstairs and made himself breakfast. I was too awake to sleep, but I laid around on his warm side of the bed and relaxed a little. I feel great about doing this. Yes, I want my husband back, but I did not undertake LRT to be his doormat. When we got back together after last year's events, I told him that he can never do what he did again. I intend to keep that promise.

Today, he did not offer me to go to the gym and was extremely grumpy in general (to be expected). He is also avoiding eye contact. He asked me to move my car so that he could take his, and when I offered him mine because I have no plans, he told me that he might not be back before I have to drive out. That's the closest he has come to commenting on the fact that I wasn't home all day yesterday.

I have no idea what this will lead to, but I feel a hell of a lot better about myself than I had a year ago.