12/23 will never be the same for me. I unfortunately have a very good, vivid memory. It is a curse. And every 12/23 I will remember BD for the rest of my life no matter what happens (if we stay together or split up).
I used to think this, too. And then I realized as I read East's and your posts that my BD "anniversary" came and went earlier this month, and it never even crossed my mind once, for even a second. There was a long, long time that I would not have imagined that could be possible. Things do and will get less raw and much better.
Me: 46 W: 44 Married: 17 Together 21 D13; S10 BD: 03.03.15 (Not attracted to you) Almost 2 years trying, alone, to save marriage Status now: Divorced (effective 06.13.17)
Got D back on Wednesday, have had a great (half) week with her, despite the change of plans. When I picked D up, she was talking about me "putting mommy in jail." Later, she asked me why I tried to pick her up on Sunday, when I wasn't supposed to pick her up until Wednesday. I told her that this was one of those adult things, that she shouldn't worry about those adult things, and that I knew she loved mommy and daddy and wanted to spend as much time as she could with both of us, and that was ok.
...all the while thinking, "who talks about crap like this in front of or with their child?"
Happens all the time... happens to my H's kids with his ex.
I kid you not if she could not manipulate her way with him via dozens of texts every night she would wake up their 10yr old at 10pm on a school night and make him call his dad to further the manipulation.
Its horrible and I can attest I have two very deeply scarred stepchildren. One may survive and have a decent adulthood but the other may never hold a job and forever be living under their mother's thumb.
Always... I mean always... take the high road. If needed consult with your attorney and have counseling for your daughter and yourself.
If you think its ugly now I can attest it can get worse. In the nine years I have been with my H his ex his filed multiple bogus restraining orders against us... even on specifically naming my at the time 8yr old son. Twice we have gone periods of 12-14 weeks where we were denied seeing or talking to either child. It takes weeks to get a court date and then the other side can file multiple continuances. We get our moment in court and the judge is furious and my H is immediately ordered to see his kids but the damage is done. My H will never get those months back with those kids and can you image what they felt or what they were going through when they were told that their dad abandoned them?
Keep a log... of everything... discuss nothing with your D and only let your D see smiles and positive afirmations. Hold your head high at each and every moment
Oh my lord, Im sorry for your loss. Even though you werent on good terms, I cant imagine the impact that would have on me or my kids. Be safe and take the time to grieve, East.
I am so so sorry East. I imagine you are in shock right now. You are a wonderful father and will guide your daughter through this time. Please don't forget to care for yourself too.
