The Fab 5 and Dad

[J5K]

Well my internet friends, I hope everyone is strong and doing well.

The boys are making improvements in their behavior. My connection with them is growing yet the path I am going down is still unknown.
Lots of sessions with the psychiatrist and he believes the boys will be better off in Canada. The social healthcare system will support them better than here in the US if anything were to happen with their mental health. He has communicated to me that having this many kids that have already had a lot of trauma in their lives will have issues. Whether they are with her or me, the point he is trying to make is that the support system there will be better for the boys from a healthcare perspective.

With respect to the boys being better off with me or her, this is predicated on one thing, if xW will be able to sit in a room with me and discuss how to co-parent. He is going to have a video conference with her next week. He expects to see certain reactions with her behavior to change. He also will expect her to come to an agreement with negotiations of transitioning the boys and finances. He is well aware of her actions and what she has financially vs. me, then he will make his decision. If he decides that she is not a good fit to raise them then he and I will start discussing plan B.

Boys are spending the weekend with her at her boyfriend's house. She calls him her partner. She is living with him and now she says she is planning to move to a different location. I ask her why she is not working and she says it is none of my business. I try to communicate that it is for the kids and she thinks I am just doing this for the money.

There is no winning in a D. I look at all the things I have in my condo and see waste. All I need is a bed, desk for my computer, couch and some kitchen utensils. Aside from that everything is wasted money. All accumulated in a matter of 5 years that could have been saved for experiences with the family. She wanted a four thousand dollar piano as a decoration in our home. It is now hers and only God knows if she still has it or has sold it.

I am at peace with myself when I have the boys. They are my purpose in life. They say, if you truly love someone, let them go. This is the path I am taking and I pray it is the right choice.

In the meantime, I am on antidepressants which has helped, yet am going through a grieving process he says due to possibly losing the boys. Although I feel defeated, time will heal me and I will move forward.

Happy Easter to all of you and enjoy and cherish the time with your families and loved ones.