That REALLY escalated fast. (Hoosjim's 14th)

[SteveLW]

WWs don't like to give things up. I think you said you're a lawyer. I'm guessing she doesn't make nearly as much money as you do. I bet you have a nice house. Drive nice cars. You can afford gym memberships. She'd be walking away from a sitch that most women would kill for.

I'm a lawyer, yes. But a lawyer who works for the govt. And who has major medical bills. And who has two kids in college (almost) And who lives in a major metro area that is VERY expensive, and who crashed his finances during the dotcom crash and thus got a VERY late start on the career savings front... So we are not really doing all that hot, certainly not in comparison to the average demographic around here.

I can afford the gym membership, and the occasional vacation (the Cancun thing was going to be a splurge), but, while i do drive a BMW, it is 13 years old with 130,000 miles on it. And a cracked windshield where my Tourettic son kicked it from the inside during a fit W does drive a fairly nice car but nothing extravagant. First World problems, i know, but, at least by the metric in our town, we are not "affluent".

Nonetheless, i don't doubt you are right about the dynamic. OM is a tow truck driver, in the same metro area, so living with/off him would definitely be a step down.

OTOH she would be entitled to a share of my federal pension as long as she didn't marry the clown... Which is why if things go sideways i have vowed to myself to either a) fight it till there is nothing left to give to her or b) quit before my retirement vests and become a beach bum. No way in hell i'd ever let that SOB realize the benefit of anything i've made.

Unfortunately, from my experience and what I've read, WWs often trade down. My wife's OM in her EA was unemployed and had a criminal record. (I once joked that I could just imagine her taking him home to her dad, who is very discriminating about people's job prospects!) The second guy that I thought was OM2 (and may have been on the way to that) is a security supervisor in FL, makes about 1/3 of what I make.

From other reading I've read that the OM is usually a step down, for whatever reason. (I am not meaning to sound as arrogant as I am sounding, but to go from a guy that has been very successful, to a guy with a GED (OM1) and a high school grad with no college (OM2) is at least a financial step down.)

Regardless, even WWs are logical to a point and know that their OM may not be the provider their H is, and also that D will mean financial stress and less stability moving forward.