Hoping this can be saved, but having doubts

[reframe]

Things are escalating quickly.
The wife came home last night (after the convo above) and announced that she'd found a room to rent and would likely be moving out this weekend.

That previous convo was FULL of pressure from you. You've got to remove all pressure from her. No R talk AT ALL. No talking about working on things, or being there for her, or anything of the sort. SHE DOESN'T WANT THAT. She might in the future, but not now, not at all. And she keeps telling you that, yet you keep pushing and pressuring. Things are escalating quickly because of YOU! You have got to let go of her. Leave her alone and work on you.

Yes - I realize that now. I need stop saying "this is not what I want" and scale way back.
Tonight (after a good session with Chuck) I managed to have a good talk with her, where I expressed a desire for self improvement, but no indication that I wanted to continue things. I even wisher her luck with her new place.

I did get cornered again when we started talking about logistics of the move, and she asked why I didn't want to get a D now.

I initially handled it pretty well (detached acceptance) but she keep pressing for me to talk more. It predictably became a full on R-talk, that I engaged in logically. And we know how well that works....

Would love to hear details. I suspect YOU made it a full-on R talk when you should have been quiet, listened and validated.

In hindsight, I think you're right. One of the things my DB coach (Chuck) mentioned is that WAW will push buttons to validate their feelings. That "they do it to hear what the expect, not what they want". So while my initial response was good, that made her feel a little softer, which rattled her, and she tested me - and I failed/took the bait.

It looks like this is happening. I'm feeling pretty shattered right now, only got around 3 hours of sleep and can barely function.

I'm sorry, I know it's difficult. But in most (maybe all) cases growth on both sides doesn't START until AFTER separation. Try to think of it as a step forward for both of you, and maybe for your M too.

I actually am. Or at least I feel a lot less hopeless than last night. She was pretty sad tonight because it will probably be her last night in our house. We talked for 10-15 minutes after dinner, and it felt (disturbingly) like old times. She even initiated a deep hug on her way to bed.

She said "it's a chapter closing".
I realize I need to GAL and start to move on, but (to quote Chuck) "Let's see how she responds to some physical distance, and to you not chasing at all"