She is emotionally a wreck right now and I have resisted showing her any sympathy.
Why? Do you want to appear cold and indifferent? Because that is probably how it looks to her. I know you want to blame her for everything like most LBS's, but this is not easy for her to go through. It would not be at all out of place to offer her some empathy. I'm not saying cry on her shoulder (don't do that), but maybe offer something like "I'm sorry this is so difficult for you, I am trying to support you through this as best I can."
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I began checking on refinancing the house, but most will not do anything until the divorce is final. Just another thing for the W to get upset about. she wants a value for the buyout to put in the agreement.
You have to get an independent appraisal done to officially determine value. If I remember right it costs around 150 bucks. Someone will walk the house inside and out, compare it to comps and write a report with a numerical value at the end of the report. If you owe money on it then obviously you have to back out the principal owed to determine what "share" each of you has in the home.
