No more denial, time to get to work

[MRay]

Thank you for the advice Steve. I've been following your sitch and see the similarities as well. Looking into differentiation in marriage us helping me get a better grasp on detachment, thanks for that. I don't plan on doing any of the legwork for divorce.

I know the EA is continuing at least on her side. A week or so after I confronted them she said angrily, "He won't talk to me anymore. I was finally happy!" Her distress over this was very real. She may be talking to him after the kids go to bed, but at least she isn't doing it in front of the kids and me anymore. She doesn't go out after work at all, and never has. The only chance it has to get physical is on campus, and if there is one thing she feels strong enough about to override the EA it's her work. She loves that school and her job. I think one big reason she wants to be friendly with me is that she's afraid I will burst her little bubble at school and tell everybody there. It's a Catholic school, and this would not be viewed positively and she is very image conscious there. I have no intention of doing this by the way.

I've read Sandi's rules (and plan to read them daily), and I'm trying to live by them. Thanks again for the comments.