Other than our ages, your story sounds eerily similar to mine. Except that my wife had an online only EA. Still her waffling back and forth on the MR, staying or going, is just what my wife did.
Please read Cadet's links. I think you have the wrong idea of detachment. Many do. Read up on it as much as you can. Also look up "differentiation in marriage" on Google. Lots of good info about being a self-pleased individual rather than relying on anyone else for your happiness. That is really what detachment is.
The other piece of advice I will give is to have her do all of the work with the D. Don't hinder it, be helpful, but don't do any of the legwork. I heard this describe liked this. "If your divorcing spouse calls you and asks you to produce a document from the safe, answer: 'I am really busy, so I can't do that for you. But feel free to stop by anytime and get it.'" This keep the onus of the legwork for the D on them. Many WASs want the LBS to do most of the D work. As if the proclamation should set you into motion.
Pay special attention to Sandi's rules. Those are golden! What you seem to be dealing with here is a Wayward Wife. Sandi is very clear on the distinction between regular WAWs, and WWs.
One last piece of advice: Likely the EA in your case has become a PA, even if it isn't full blown (sleeping together). You need to come to grips with the fact that at a minimum the EA is still going, and at worst it is a full blown PA. None of that should change your behavior towards your W. Read the links Cadet sent. If you are looking some of the SMEs around here will take an interest in your sitch. Sandi and the rest are invaluable sources of information.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
