Maybe others will weigh in but I have read parts of your thread and I see someone who is really, truly spinning out of control at the moment.
You really need to remove the "bug" from the bedroom ASAP. That is snooping in its highest form and if it ever gets back to your spouse could backfire in ways that she just might marry Rodney Dangerfield in retaliation.
I think you need to give yourself a time out.
You are acting as if your W has all this work to do in the marriage because of the A but you need to have a long talk with yourself about how you are going to earn your W's trust back after placing a bug in her personal space.
Please, please, please you have to realize this snooping to this degree must immediately stop.
