That REALLY escalated fast. (Hoosjim's 14th)

[DonH]

When she was relating the whole ordeal to good-girl gf, she said "and then i went to the closet and got one of his shirts and put it on because i just wanted something that smelled like him and reminded me of him... how pathetic is that?".

In my prior comments I was going to say how some of this almost reminds me of a death - it's in some ways as if you suddenly died. Even if the H and W had been not getting along the best, if one suddenly dies the other is still devistated. I wish I'd said this.

The thing is, what your W did with your shirt is EXACTLY what a good friend of mine did when her H and one of my best friends at one point died suddenly. She had his shirts and at one point laid out his cloths and slept with his cloths laid out next to her. She too could also smell him and this is what she did for a few weeks to get her through the devastation. She too later sort of laughed when telling this story to us, somewhat feeling a little nutty doing it.

I honestly see these as the same. I really do. It also reaffirms my thinking about how broken she is - not because she would put on your shirt but I really do think she wants to feel in love and attraction for you, yet it was not coming to her and she did not know why and was grasping for things to fix it. This bomb brought all of those natural feelings flooding back. I think she is even relieved and happy they came back. She's happy she loves and is attracted to you again.

I believe all of that but just as strongly fear it could all switch off again down the road unless she fixes what is broken. Does that make sense? I really fear it could. I don't think she at all wants it too but whatever is wrong inside of her has not been fixed. The feelings and desire are all back but only because of what happened. If she could chose she'd want them to stay that way but they may again go away, and she won't even know why nor how to get them back again. I think she's been battling this for awhile. She even said as much - that she wanted to be with you but was not feeling that attraction. I think she wished she did, but it was not there so she started self medicating with OM with BFF, with some GGW behavior,math wine downs. Etc. it's once again the same with many drug addicts - they are self medicating for depression or trauma or other issues.

This new Intel just totally reaffirms my earlier thoughts. She 100% wants you back, she just doesn't know how to keep that going and not let this other behavior return. Hopefully IC can help coupled with you keeping the pressure on.