The biggest disappointment of all for me, coming to this forum, is seeing the lack of success other members have had with the DB techniques from the book.
I've been here 6 years. Nearly every sitch I've followed ended in success (the few I wouldn't call particularly "successful" are situations where people got stuck in limbo due to their own inaction). Right now you probably think recon is the only path to success. It is not. A lot of the sitches here do end in recon (unfortunately a lot of those people quit posting after recon because they don't feel the need to come here anymore, "problem solved" as it were). Many sitches result in the LBS becoming so strong and independent that they no longer want recon. Both of those are successful endings. Mine falls under the latter, in the end I was the one that pushed the D through. DBing didn't save my M, it saved ME and although I didn't realize it at the time, that was even more important. I became stronger, more independent, in better shape, more responsible, more centered, more positive. I'm in a new R now and can honestly say DB'ing has saved it from following the same path as my previous M.
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It seems we can totally shut out our spouse or we can beg and plead and neither will make any difference. This is really discouraging.
If that's what you think then you don't understand DB'ing at all. Do you read Sandi's rules and think "oh OK I need to completely shut my H out of my life" because that is NOT what those rules say.
