Husband gone for second time - 3

[25yearsmlc]

Nicole

there are two basic approaches to these hard situations when one spouse is out the door or is saying they are.

One is the tough love approach and the other is the DB approach of detachment and GAL, and forgiving a lot.

There might be a hybrid of sorts too. Here, the marriages are in serious trouble, not just facing a challenge.


In my case, I wish I had been firmer and enforced boundaries more, 10 years ago. It might not have made the difference, but I'd feel better about things, and who knows?

Maybe it would have truly shocked h back into our family, and changed him,

or maybe it would have ended the m sooner (not saying that's a bad or good thing either).

Maybe DBing gave us an extra 10 years and MAYBE that was not a waste...maybe I'd have discovered more about h then, that I have learned the past 18 months.

I know one thing for sure - Had I known then - what I know now, I'd have cut him loose long ago.

Marriages in trouble can work out, and I have 2 family members who actually divorced and later remarried their former spouses. A few years later...

(Note that they divorced, and they changed, and then they reconciled. And yes, the 2nd time around was better.)

Nicole, all I'm really saying is to get information from a lawyer in your present state and THEN figure out more of what you'll do. I filed in October in our home state, and moved east 2 weeks later. Our whole D has been conducted in a state in which neither of us lives.

In any case, gather intel and be empowered by the knowledge you gain. You need DO NOTHING, but gather information. Are your friends objecting to that??

And one last thing, I stayed with my x based A LOT on sunk costs and his potential as a h.

I may be repeating myself ^^^here, but it's worth repeating. It's very very common.

Learn from my errors, please. It'll make me feel a little useful here.