Friends, I'd like to share an update and a few thoughts and then finish responding to 25yrsmlc's last post.

In two weeks I'll be moving up North to one of the major cities as I planned last fall. It's a little hard to believe I'm moving. There are risks - what if I don't find the right job? What if paying out-of-pocket for high quality health insurance isn't sustainable? What if my daughter doesn't like her new school? On the other hand I can't stay here any longer where I live now. It's too depressing and despite being very active here socially.

Anyway, I believe it was on January 4th when my husband had his big outburst saying he wants an immediate divorce, there's no hope, everything was a mistake, etc.. Now it's the end-of-March and he's done nothing to pursue the divorce. He mentioned it when he was in a terrible mood three weeks ago, but since then he's acted normal and hasn't mentioned anything.

Today my husband was visiting and I thought he was going to ask about the divorce when he said "I scheduled an appointment....with an accountant to do our taxes."

On the day when my daughter and I move into our new apartment my husband will be there waiting for us, or so he says. He's going to fly up there the night before and he'll meet us when we arrive in the morning with our car. He says he wants to be there to 'check everything and make sure it's ok.' He says he'll see how it goes and maybe he'll stay there with us that night.

I just wonder what's happening.

25yrsmlc - that's great to hear you're dating. That is a big step forward. It must be so great to have someone with whom you can go out and spend time. That's also very fortunate for you that you had family to help out both financially and with helping you get moved and probably with emotional support as well. If you have financial security now, even if it's not what you should have, that's also still a positive thing. It seems the right elements are in place for you to move on even though surely you sometimes the divorce affects you on some level. It's encouraging to hear your story. Thanks for taking the time share it. I really do appreciate the tips about dating in the future and introducing someone to my daughter.

I understand what you're saying about protecting myself before I leave. I'm still thinking about it and will discuss it with my therapist tomorrow, but one thing that is hard to do is convey the full situation over a forum like this. As you know there are many caveats and not everything gets shared here in a public place. My friends who know the situation best believe it's ok to wait to take any action, but I will have my husband sign-off that he agrees for our daughter to move out-of-state regardless.

One of my physicians (I've also been sick) knows my husband and I saw him this week. He began to reveal that he knows a lot and clearly my husband has opened up to him. He said he believes my husband is burned out from working 60 - 80 hours per week.

I appreciate that those here on this forum who are further along in the process don't want to see us new ones make mistakes. I don't know at this moment if I'm making a mistake by not filing for divorce right at this time, but I do know the divorce wouldn't be finalized by the time I move and I don't want to delay moving. There's a lot to consider. One thing I really need is just to get away from here and to stabilize enough to think clearly.

The biggest disappointment of all for me, coming to this forum, is seeing the lack of success other members have had with the DB techniques from the book. I had a lot of confidence previously that DB is the way to go, but now I'm not so sure. There's nothing wrong with working on oneself to move forward with or without their spouse, but that's not why most of us come here. It seems we can totally shut out our spouse or we can beg and plead and neither will make any difference. This is really discouraging.

I'm always exhausted by the time I get a chance to post here so I didn't get to say everything on my mind, but thanks again 25yrsmlc and everyone else who has offered guidance and encouragement. I really do appreciate it.