That escalated quickly; WW's A RESUMES(hoosjim#13)

[hoosjim]

Hey sandi, thanks. As always, great post with lots of good insight. (And mat I humbly suggest that you get a laptop and ditch the ipad? That thing gives you more trouble. Just sayin)

I was transparent (although he never asked me to be), b/c I had learned of its importance from the LBS's on the board. I think it helped my H, and I know it helped me. I needed to give an account.......to show I was being honest and doing the right thing, and this was the vehicle that helped keep me stay on track. What drives out the darkness better than light? What exposes and keeps away secrets? If she wants atonement.......what better way than welcome her H to look at her activity.

Okay, there is nuance here I am going to ask some clarification on. Obviously, a WW to start her escape from wayward Ness needs to ditch the disrespectful, ggw behavior (staying out late, not acting like a married woman), and, when a WW gets caught and the H drops HIS bomb, you get a self preservation burst of activity (as we're seeing with mine.)

Okay, so what about after that. In a couple of weeks, after the adrenaline and shock have worn off, if the WW is still, at that point, "doing work that would otherwise be productive" and maintaining her more respectful/respectable demeanor... what would distingush that (say, in my w's case bwing the obvious implication) from your phase described above where you are "doing the work because you know you should but your heart is not in it." How do you distinguish the deceptive from the genuine-if-not-heartfelt effort. And it can't be the full humble apology, right, because for you that came much later, yes?

It's just the more I read from you ladies about this Dynamic, it seems like it is really hard to see from the outside whether or not the Wayward wife's heart has turned. Or at least has turned enough that it can be trusted to start moving down the right path.