So after a good day, I head to IC and traffic is heavy and I arrive 3 minutes late.I hate being late. I am usually 10 min. early to everything. Anyway, it started an ill mood and then when I got there I was given the occasional update questionnaire and asked to fill it out. If I had known I would have arrived even earlier than usual. Anyway, this added to the mood. So between short-term annoyances and the weight of my overall stitch, I unloaded on the counselor.
She was delighted because she has never understood the concepts in DB. She asked why I was afraid to share my honest feeling to my W. After explaining it had nothing to do with fear and expanded on the DB approach to the rules, 180 etc., and how any healthy expression was just not in the cards at this time. Seeing that IC is all about self-care it is understandable how it can seem contrived and stifling.
I explained starting an R talk and dumping my anger about the whole stitch was not unlike itching when one has Chickenpox. It might seem like the natural thing to do. It might feel good in the short term, but ultimately it is the wrong thing to do. It would mostly escalate in an argument and could possibly give fuel to her fire in proceeding with a D. I had to clarify that my reluctance had nothing to do with fear but more with strategy and not a manipulation.
Anyway, I guess this post is more of a vent or journaling. But IC doesn't quite get DBing.
M 53 W 54, M since 98 D15, D19 8/2013 discovered EA, W maintained contact with OM until 10/14 7/2/17 W said she wanted S, 7/25/17 moved out of MBR 12/17 W says moving out 5/18, W still in home.
