so you will begin to see her respecting you... owning her $h1t... she will do things because it is the right thing to do, not pretend to do things because it's the right thing to do... that time when you walked in on her reading one of your workbooks in bed... that was her "pretending to do the right thing." there should come a time when she will REALLY do the work because that is what is required... she will be humble... she won't be coy, she won't be flippant... you have to be able to step back and see the difference... you need perspective... because you were in it, and because you were hopeful that she wanted to save your marriage, your perspective was skewed... your vision needs to be recalibrated...
She will never be that way until she "fixes" herself. All of what you describe involves some level of either a) frank and unafraid introspection and/or b) openness with others. If nothing else, in these past four days, she has been absolutely right about that: She has barriers and walls all built up inside her. Some against others and the outside, some against herself. That, IMO, is going to take a lot of "fixing" before she is relationship ready, however much she might "want" otherwise.
The sad thing, is that without OM and the affair, I maybe could have been there for her, but not now. Now she has to deal with a broken marriage at the same time as her own personal s**t
H53/W51, R-ing 4/'18
"Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires"-Sg.of Sg 2:7
"So oftentimes it happens,that we live our lives in chains, & we never even know we have the key"-Eagles III 1:3
