Gordie, Thank you for that. I read your reply and thought about it all day after reading it. The next day I started working on doing that. Then, something unexpected happened. It wasn’t long enough for that to be related to what happened, but I really need some advice on how to handle my situation. Here it goes...
Last Friday evening after getting off work and returning home, W and D decided that D would make dinner. She wanted to make fancy sandwiches and we were almost out of bread, so I offered to go get some from the store for her (D). I asked if she wanted to go with me, which she declined (she never wants to but I always ask). My W then said, I’ll go with you. This alone seemed weird. She has not wanted to do anything with just me and her in a long time (even just the store). I said OK and we headed out. We decided to go to the nice grocery store since it had a bar and we could grab a drink. On the way, she asked if I wanted to talk. I of course said OK.
She then proceeded to tell me that she had been talking with a coworker who had just gotten married and they were telling her how happy they were with their life, dog, etc and it got her to thinking. Said she had been looking at things the wrong way and realized that she hadn’t been very nice to me and had been treating me very poorly. Said she really loved me and really wanted to work things out. (Summarizing) We talked for a while in the car and it was a really good conversation. We have not had a talk like that since this whole thing started. I won’t go in to everything that was said, but I could tell I was talking to HER, not her MLC who is all I spoken to in over a year.
We went in to the store, got a drink, and did our shopping. It was nice. Then we went home and had a pleasant evening. We both fell asleep on the couch watching TV, and I got up and went to bed in the middle of the night. She woke up shortly after and came to bed too...and snuggled up next to me. She has not done that since MLC started almost a year and a half ago. After a while of just laying there, she then initiated sex. It was nice.
The next day we both had separate kid duty to attend to, but the day went well. Then Sunday morning she had to get up very early and fly to DC for work...where she still is now till the weekend.
The problem now is how I am feeling about things. From others experiences I have read about, I knew this conversation might come eventually, and I hoped for it. Even now I know that just because we had that conversation, that doesn’t mean everything is all better now. It is just a start, hopefully in the right direction. I admit that I hoped that I would feel better about it than I do. Other than the day we had the conversation, I don’t feel much different. I mean maybe I don’t feel as anxious as I did, but I still feel a little uneasy. My guard is still up, as I’m sure it probably should be. She has been out of town and I’m juggling kids so we haven’t talked much this week at all. I find myself wondering if things are going to go back to MLC land when she gets back. It’s hard for me to accept that she MIGHT have turned a corner. You don’t feel one way for a year and a half and then change over night.
So, now I am trying to figure out how I really feel about things and how I should act towards her. I guess that may depend on how she acts when she gets back, but I guess I am just confused over my own feelings. I thought I would be happier after having a conversation like that...or rather I thought the happiness I felt over it would last longer than a day.
