So struggling a bit with feelings that w is taking advantage of me. She’s taking advantage of my kindness and loyalty and always being there and doing whatever she wants with no consequences and...I don’t know...I guess this is where the forgivnesss comes in
So I will tell you, back in Mar15 when my mlcr had her moment of clarity (Seems to always be in Mar as she is showing another one currently but less severe) I was about where you are now, maybe a little ahead as she was actively scrambling to save the M by looking at couple retreats, being completely trasnparent when it came to OM, their history and how it ended (So I thought)
So the feelings I had at the time I compared to this: It was like you moved from your old house ... a house you didn't care for and boxed everything up and put it in the attic. Now you find yourself in a new house and you need something from those boxes ... trick is you are not sure which box it is. So you timidly bring all those boxes down and start unpacking them, in a way this is forcing you to confront things you really do not want to ... the resentment, the betrayal, the justice of it all just seems so unfair. Why does she get to rip up the family, have her affair and then expect to just come right back in as if nothing ever happened right? Yup ... I lived that ... like you I struggled to let go of that. I forced her to thow out anything that even made me think of OM, the bed .. gone ... the Christmas tree I did not recognize .. gone ... that nice blouse I was certain she bought for him .. gone. I was secretly still punishing her along the way but using my hurt as an excuse, had little to do with that ... I wanted justice and wanted her to hurt as I did.
You have to get to a point where the past is the past, and look at now and the future. You have already experienced the hell and the worst that could happen in a marriage. If she darts back in the tunnel or if she works on herself you have no control over this. Just keep working on you and focus on that.
Another tip I will give you .... if on a date and it seems you have a choice to decide whether to go home, eat, coffee .. you choose ... Lead as a Husband and man would lead and make the choice for the both of you. You will need to lead a bit more and guide her in many ways .. doing this is like a small GAL but for you both ... you will understand this more later.
