I mean... arrrgh! I just have so much frustration and anger towards her. Seems like she wants to just jump right back into working on things at the point we were at (my impression, at least). EVEN IF she were serious and EVEN IF she were trustworthy, it is so childish to even think that that is possible. Every aspect of a relationship requires some degree of surrender and vulnerability-- even just going out and having fun with each other on a casual date. You need to be able to let your guard down to truly enjoy the other person's company. And you cant let your guard down with someone who has (repeatedly) stabbed you in the back every time you've shown it to them.
you are correct... that is exactly what she hopes to do--get to the point where you were before you caught her... really--who wants to acknowledge the bomb that just went off? it's scary and painful... she is not feeling the pain at this point... she is scared... she is trying to avoid the pain... she is doing, doing, doing, talking, talking, talking, explaining... her gears are grinding... when she gets to the point where she is either all out of schemes, or is just too dang tired, she will finally realize the pain... that is when i saw that i was broken... H (whose name is Jim, just like yours!) had already told me i was broken, but i didn't see it until my point of finally realizing i needed to be authentic... i couldn't pull this off by mere appearances...
hoosjim--it is good that you have time to yourself so you can go through your cycle... and i think you are handling it well... i dig your sense of humor...
