No no no, that's not it at all. The whole point of NGS is "nice guys" are NOT nice! They are controlling, manipulative, cunning, deceptive and quite mean in very passive/ aggressive ways. They look "nice" on the surface but underneath they are anything but nice. The title of the book doesn't mean "quit being a nice guy" it's more about addressing all of the above issues and turning guys with NGS into honorable men.
Thank you for clarifying, you folks are helping me learn things about myself and my W that I never saw or understood. At times I do come across as controlling and my W will tell you this. I viewed them as expectations, part of being married...I never try to do it in a negative way. I think it came down to how I process things and events in life. I had a roadmap and goals set in my life that I was trying to achieve. I've always wanted a nice family, nice home, beautiful wife,etc. I had all of that and under appreciated it and at times handle things incorrectly. This entire situation and BD with the W blew all that up. I now realize that I can not control anyone but myself and am trying to improve myself wherever I can. Since you pointed this out, I have began reading Dr.Glover's "No more Mr. Nice Guy" and also downloaded some pod casts so I can learn which ways I relate to the MNG and eventually correct those flaws. Thank you AS for the response, I truly appreciate it.
On a different note, Id like to share a quote one of my best friends sent me the other day (he knows both the W and I and knows what we are going through). Other members here may enjoy it, I know I did.
"Don't let your loyalty become slavery. If they don't like what you bring to the table, let them eat alone."
Me:37 W:42 T:14 yrs M:10.5 yrs D:7 D:5 BD: 1/6/18 OM Discovered: 1/29/18 WW moved out 5/12/18
